Monday, August 31, 2009

Reporting the School

Does anyone know how I can file a report against that terrible, terrible school for encouraging the human? She's already requested 20 rolls of microfilm for obituary purposes. Really, they should be so ashamed. And as for that human, she was crippled while poking at that tree. You would think that would be enough to make her wary but oh, no! I don't even want to imagine what will happen to her due to poking at her current rate.

The School Gets Worse!

That horrible, horrible school. How can they call themselves a place of education with all of the horrors that they are contributing to? The human was poking around, and now she has worked out how to order microfilm from other locations as well. Granted, she could do that too with the nightmarish archives, but not to the extent that the school offers this service. She's now amusing herself requesting newspapers for every out of town relative in order to hunt down obituaries! Oh, that tree is going to reach such nightmarish heights it isn't funny thanks to the horrible school encouraging her! They should be so ashamed of themselves!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The School

That foolish, foolish school. Would you believe they have the nerve to have tons of newspapers over there just full of obituaries needed by the human to make that horrid tree of hers grow even more? And to make matters worse, they have the nerve to offer these obituaries for FREE!! Really, they should be so ashamed it isn't funny. The human is now looking up every possible relative she can find, just to take advantage of the lovely, free offer. I don't even want to imagine how much larger that awful tree will grow as a result. Really, don't these people ever think?

Missing Bamboo

The pandas have done it this time is all that I can say. The bamboo patch that was down the street is totally missing, and I am sure they are responsible. I keep hearing munching sounds outside, and I don't like the amount of wok usage that I'm seeing going on either. Or the tea usage. The pandas are from China, after all, and love tea with their meals, and whatever they're eating must be really large considering the amount of tea they're lagging out. Josie Rabbit has been complaining dreadfully. Does anyone know if there's something I can do? I just know they left a leafy trail leading back to the house.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Fall Festival

The place that the human's relative had this party at tonight foolishly had brochures out advertising their fall festival. Really, are they trying to provide absolute proof that they're insane? Wasn't the bean display and those undefended sheep proof enough? Needless to say, the bunnies snagged a brochure, and are looking into a fall visit. They're sure a fall festival will bring out lots of veggies and seeds for them to get their paws on. I wonder if I have time to warn the poor vendors who might have signed up for this event that they are doomed?

Even Worse

Oh, and this foolish relative of the human's actually dared to have a rather large cake served at this party. Honestly, after how the rabbits carted off all the stuff in his garden the last time they hopped in on him, you would think he would know better, but perhaps he figured since it wasn't a carrot cake, he was safe. Unfortunately, Betsy Bear stowed away as well, and I'm sure you can imagine what happened without being given the frightening details. Is there a charge for grand theft of a cake that can be filed against that bear?

Such Horrors

The rabbits decided to stay home from the farmers' market this morning to rest their big feet. I knew I should have been more alarmed by that than I was. It turns out the human that my human was going to visit was actually having a party at some sort of historical place, the kind devoted to the country and farming. I think you can pretty safely guess what happened. This foolish place actually was nutty enough to have a bean display right at the front just as you come in the door. If they do something nutty like that, doesn't that pretty much imply they were asking for what the rabbits did to them?

And in even worse news, would you believe this place dared to have sheep making their home there? Honestly, it's only a short drive away. You would think they would know better. Those poor, poor sheep. They live behind such a pitiful fence too, really more decorative than anything else and certainly low enough for a polar bear to squirm under easily. The bunnies reported seeing those poor sheep running around their pasture rather frantically shortly after they arrived and I fear to find out the cause of why they were running. I didn't think to check to make sure the polar bears didn't sneak out since I thought the rabbits were the real danger. I'm sure they crept out while I was focusing on the bunnies and were chasing those poor sheep with scissors for sheering purposes. It will probably be on the eleven o'clock news tonight.

Amending Yesterday's Complaint

I must amend yesterday's complaint to include Cousin Harry's other daughter, Bertha who had the absolute, unmitigated NERVE to marry someone with the first name of Arnwood! Do you know how many people there are with that name on the internet? One, which is him, making it frighteningly easy for the human to hunt down the obituaries and add more relatives than I want to think of. Really, what are these relatives thinking and how do I file complaints against them for contributing to that tree?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Farmer's Market Again

The human is making some noises about trying to go to that horrible farmers' market again. She claims it's to find witnesses to her accident, but I know it's really to help out those rabbits. She can't fool me. Honestly, what is that human thinking? The bunnies will get heaven only knows how many veggies and seeds if she goes up there, and I don't even want to think of the disaster that will result from next year's garden if they get more seeds. Our poor, poor neighbors. I'm not sure a year's warning will be enough to save them.

Filing Another Complaint

Really, you would think it would be easier with the internet and everything to find out how to file these complaints. I need to file one right away against Cousin Harry, who dared to live in Illinois, where records are plentiful, and then I must file against his daughter Althea who had the nerve to marry someone named Jablonski instead of someone named Smith. I don't even want to think how easy finding info on someone with that name will be. Really, these people should be ashamed. They're encouraging a monster tree!

Relatives Again

The humans are venturing out again tomorrow to visit that relative that has the large garden. Really, must the humans go around those relations? The rabbits are very excited at the idea, and up to no good, I'm sure. I imagine I'll be kept up all night by them hopping around, gathering sacks and plotting to stow away in the car. I'm afraid a cousin who owns a greenhouse is going to be there too, and goodness knows what will happen if the rabbits meet here. I wonder if it's too late to make a jail reservation?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Beans Today

The rabbits have had their first bean harvest and it's been happily cooked up. Honestly, the beans they got were so alarming, wax beans and half runner beans and royal burgandy beans have been gathered so far, and that is nowhere near all of the beans that were planted. I don't even want to think of the black-eyed peas that are coming in. These things can't be served at tea parties, right?

Horrible Sandwiches

The human went out to a movie today, and needless to say, this resulted in a horrible lack of supervision for the bunnies. I'm very sorry to say they managed to obtain 4 more loaves of bread for sandwich construction. Does anyone have any suggestions for party avoidance? I don't even want to think of what they're going to be serving on the sandwiches.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Seed Saving

The rabbits just found a forum online devoted to saving seed in addition to their other gardening boards and email lists. Really, have these people no shame, making forums like that and then not doing anything to keep bunnies away? They have gotten so many bad ideas there in just a few minutes that it isn't even funny! Does anyone know how to block such horrible sites?

More Sandwich Material

The bunnies are dividing their workload, I'm sorry to say. Part of them are lurking in the human's room, talking about hoop houses with the assistance of the penguins, and the rest are working on sandwich construction and tea party invitations. They're sure when they get hoop houses, they'll have lots of stuff to grow, so they're wanting loads of little jars to hold their seeds. They lagged in another loaf of bread today, and there is much talk of getting even more bread tomorrow! Really, if they can find hoop house instructions online, why can't I find a site with good instructions for the making of rabbit snares to control them? I just found another little invitation in my bed to a party, and I know the food will be terrible!

Penguins are Getting Into the Act

The rabbits have recruited the penguins to assist them in convincing the human that hoop house construction plans should be started. They mentioned the idea of a hoop house over the pool, and of course those penguins were sold on the idea right away. Does anyone know how in the world to stop this? I shudder to imagine how many plants might result from year round gardening access and I shudder at the penguin pool parties that might result!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Hoop House Video

The rabbits are hard at work downloading a hoop house construction video to try to convince the human to go along with them building one. Oh, I just KNOW she's going to go for it! The rabbits are even coming up with plans for installing hoop house sections over the pool in order to try to win her over. She is fond of that thing, so I'm sure if the bunnies offer assistance in extending her swimming season she'll go along with it. Really, how in the world can these awful construction plans be stopped? I will be in year round danger from gardening if the bunnies accomplish their planned building!

Human Concerns

The bunnies are loitering in the human's room, and I am starting to get concerned. I just know those rabbits are trying to convince her to go along with their gardening plans! Does anyone know how to best corral the rabbits before they get the human to agree to anything dangerous? I spotted them a bit ago looking up videos devoted to the construction of hoop houses on Youtube, and one of those would be so terrible it isn't funny seeing as it could allow year round bunny gardening!

New Problems

I have discovered new problems with that human being laid up, and it is only lunchtime. My food is stored out on the porch, and the human is claiming that thanks to her injured ankle, she can't hop out there to feed me, and I must wait for the grandhuman to return! Have you ever heard something so alarming in your life? Both phones are being hogged too, so I can't call out for a pizza.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hogging the Laptop

The human is hogging the laptop terribly, wanting to use it to watch horrible shows about murder, and even WORSE to research that terrible tree of hers! Does anyone know how an innocent kitty can go about filing complaints about this? I shouldn't be forced to be exposed to such frightening things, and the murders are a bit alarming too! I would use the backup laptop, but the rabbits snitched the power cord again. I shudder to imagine what they've got tied up with it.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Human and the Rabbits

I am concerned about the human, and the results of her rabbit exposure during the hospital visit. Spending time with bunnies isn't good for anyone but apparently it was worse than normal for her because she's taken to hopping. I don't even want to imagine what other, rabbity traits she'll start developing next! what if she starts assisting the rabbits with their insane seed collection?


The humans are finally back home, and unfortunately, they brought all of the rabbits with them. Really, the hospital should be so ashamed of themselves for the horrible ideas they put into the bunnies' heads, about growing grapes. I wonder how I can learn of the possible dangers of the grapevine? I understand those horrid grapes are sold in large bunches which would only aid the rabbits in gathering seeds for planting.

Giant Zucchini Part 2

The zucchini has grown another inch since the humans have been gone, and I'm very concerned. If this thing can grow an inch in three or four days and the fair isn't for another couple of weeks, I shudder to imagine its size by then. Is any amount of money worth exposure to a vegetable that is so large and suspicious? I think I need to do a house check to make sure all of the neighbors are accounted for.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Tree Disaster

Who do I need to contact to file a complaint against Cousin Marshall, both for daring to have four more children and for daring to honestly report the existence of these offspring in the 1930 census? Thanks to Footnote for providing free access and that hospital for providing fast internet, the human found them in no time, and will surely be hunting down obituaries and other awful stuff for them next which will only make the tree that much more top heavy. Honestly, what are these people thinking? I'm so glad I'm from a respectable family, made up of cats, and then decent kangaroos on my father's side.

Sorry It Took So Long

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to posting here. The human took the main laptop, and it took me forever to find the power cord for the backup. I'm afraid some of the rabbits were using it as string for various plants. I got an email a bit ago from those little pests, and all I can say is those poor, poor patients. Here their insurance is paying for them to be tortured. Betsy Bear is running riot, and I'm afraid there has been much talk of cake, and that bear obtaining cake. Poor, poor patients. The food service guy turned his back for a moment and his cart with all of the trays went missing. I so hope no one there was really hungry. As for the rabbits, I don't want to think of what they're up to. I believe grapes have been mentioned and trying to find grape seeds. Does anyone know the potential dangers of the grapevine?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


A batch of rabbits are sneaking to the hospital. Should I worry about this? The hospital is rather close to a place where some cows live, so I fear the rabbits might have plans of getting their paws on manure. Either that or they want to catch the trolley to the gardens that are nearby. I wonder if I should email the cat who works there in the morning to be on the lookout for bunnies?

Human and the Family Tree

I don't think the human has learned her lesson from that fall due to the horrible family tree. The hospital offers wi-fi and she is thinking of taking the laptop for the faster tree research potential. And, in even worse news, she's thinking of signing up for ANCESTRY while she's recovering! That site is a disaster when it comes to genealogy and research, and will surely give her terrible ideas. Really, didn't that ankle teach her anything about the dangers of genealogy?

Pray for Me

I would like to beg prayers, please, as I am going to be in charge of those delinquent teddies for two days while the human is away getting the ankle fixed. Can I have her charged with cruel and inhuman treatment for leaving me in charge of this lot for so long? Granted, most of them are nice, but still, in addition to the bunnies' gardening plans, I just know that the polar bears are going to cause trouble, either trying to sheer poor Shelia Sheep or else mapping out online directions to the pastures of other, poor sheep for potential wool gathering. I don't even want to imagine what the penguins will do to the pool, and I don't like the way Zenobia Zebra has been looking up other zebras online. She's surely plotting to encourage zebra escapes.

The Giant Zucchini

The giant zucchini was measured today, and it is already a foot long, with at couple of weeks to go before the fair. In one way, I'm happy, because a really big zucchini will get us a nice cash prize, but on the other hand, I am rather concerned about what the rabbits might be feeding this plant to make it grow so large. I've seen them feeding it milk, but I do have some worries about it's other possible meals. The never did find that criminal from a few weeks ago, you know. I wonder how much growth the average criminal could add to the zucchini plant?

My Cat Mother

My cat mother had to be drug to the vet for mouth ulcers, and I totally hold the rabbits responsible. I just know they tricked her into eating a pepper, possibly a habenaro, so they could get the SEEDS! I swear I've got to find directions for bunny snares to restrain them somewhere online. I shudder to think of what they might try to feed my cat mom while the human's away.


The human goes to the hospital tomorrow, and I didn't have time to arrange to send a warning to the neighbors. Although, I grant you, she doesn't do much as far as controlling those rabbits, at least her presence reins them in a bit. I shudder to think what might happen with her gone and me as the only thing between the neighbors and a rabbit gardening disaster. I was nearly hopped on by a rabbit who was overeager to get out to the garden early. If they're like this with the human still here, I shudder to think of what they'll be like when she's gone. I wonder if I still have time to call and make a jail reservation? I'm sure I could get a taxi to pick me up.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hospital Trouble

If anyone is planning an illness anytime soon, I would suggest you don't do it in this state. The baby rabbit finally let me know that the human is going to have to go to the hospital in a few days to get the ankle fixed. Betsy is already packing her spare snitching sack for sneaking along on this venture. Do you suppose those poor patients really need their food over there? Betsy's heard there might be ice cream. I shudder to think what will happen when she gets loose. Those poor, poor patients. And here their insurance is paying for them to be tormented by Betsy Bear.


Some lunatic has baked a 1,224-pound cupcake. Okay, I suppose the actual baking of the cupcake wasn't crazy by itself, but then instead of just calling a batch of friends over to eat it quietly, the nutty baker actually submitted the cupcake for an award as the world's largest! Needless to say, it won, and thanks to this win, Betsy Bear has learned all about this insane baker, and is thinking of a little trip. What in the world am I to do if that horrible bear trots home with a giant cupcake?

Definitely Never Send a Rabbit

Despite the troubles yesterday, I let the baby rabbit hop out with the human again, under the claim of getting a cast. Well, they're back, and there is no cast in sight, just an ugly, bulky black boot. What do I have to do to get that rabbit to get the human the right thing, draw a picture of a cast for the bunny to use as a reference?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Never Send a Rabbit

I let the baby rabbit hop out of the house again, accompanying the human to get a cast. Well, the human hobbled back in with no cast and the bunny was looking plumper than usual. I don't even want to know what happened, but I am suspicious that vegetables were involved somehow.

The Mission

The local mission has just opened something new, that I'm sure is another teddy adoption center. Really, they now have six of these now, and it seems if there's a teddy out there in need of adoption, they all seek out my human. Of course, it wouldn't be so bad if the mission did something about reforming some of these characters before they let them out. The penguin they let waddle in here a few weeks ago, is truly a delinquent penguin, and I wouldn't be surprised to find charges for a call to Antarctica on our phone bill next month. How can I demand that these creatures be reformed and made into well mannered animals before being released from the mission?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Another Issue

I just realized another issue of the human being injured. She's still able to access stuff connected to that awful family tree online! At least when she's out, the amount she can grow it by is limited by how fast she can crank microfilm but with the online stuff, I shudder to think of how fast the tree could grow. I wonder if there's a way to encourage bone to heal quickly? She said something about signing up for Ancestry if she was stuck here for too long, and that site is a MENACE!

Make a Peguin Unhappy

The insane store that keeps letting those penguins loose has actually set up a wish list system, and I decided to fill one out. I hope all of my readers will take a look and will consider contributing to making a penguin unhappy by arranging for them to obtain swimwear. Those penguins' days of waddling around in their bare feathers and jumping into the pool to skinnydip are fast coming to a close! The bunnies and bears did sneak a few things onto the list, so please ignore those. Aren't the suits so nice, though, and they look like they'll be perfect for covering those penguins properly.

Bunny Cartoon

I just stumbled across this cartoon online, and I can only pray the rabbits don't see it too.

It's from this comic strip, Rose is Rose, and if the bunnies see it, they're bound to get bad ideas. As annoying as it is to be constantly hearing hop, hop, hop, shake tail, going on out there, I'm sure it would be so much worse if they had music going too. I understand there was this dance called the bunny hop that I'm sure results in highly annoying music designed to torment the perfectly harmless cat. Perhaps I should block them from iTunes just to be on the safe side?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

On Another Note

On another note, unrelated to the human's injury, someone is posting on the rabbits' gardening list about how to attract bees. I hope he feels so guilty about that. Betsy normally lounges on the bed and with the human high on medication for her injuries, I spotted that bear opening Word and busily taking notes based on those messages about bee attraction. Those poor, poor bees. Do you suppose there's any way to alert the hives about Betsy's education in bee attraction? I don't even want to imagine how many bees she'll be able to capture after this learning experience.

Human and Pain Medicine

Obviously, the human can't be trusted with pain medication. Would you believe that she actually gave it to one of the rabbits to guard? Can that sort of thing be used as fertilizer? If so, I'm not sure those bunnies can be trusted to resist temptation. I wonder if I ought to snag the bottle and guard it myself before it winds up being used to encourage the watermelon more?

I Blame the Rabbits

Speaking of the human's fall, I totally blame the rabbits. One of the baby bunnies was traveling with the human, hiding in her research sack. Needless to say, that little thing is now complaining and saying her ears got shaken excessively during the tumble. Honestly, though, as a rabbit stowaway, she should have hopped clear when the human started towards the ground, and should have done something to have caught the human before she could be injured! This is probably the only time I'll say this about the rabbits, but I wish one of the big ones would have stowed away to the farmer's market. I'm sure they would have been big enough to cushion the human properly and to have prevented major injury. Still, that little bunny should have at least tried!

Sporadic Posts

My posts here might be a bit sporadic for a bit. While on her way to the archives to grow that terrible tree this morning, the human fell due to a messed up sidewalk and broke her ankle. She's currently confined to bed, and unfortunately the computer is right next to her bed. I'm not sure how easy it's going to be for me to access it with a miserable human right there, ankle propped up on every pillow in sight.

Friday, August 14, 2009

It Gets WORSE!

Just when I was congratulating myself and thinking that the rabbits, bears and polar bears were at the end of the brochure and the fair couldn't possibly get worse, it did. They came to the last page and learned there will be a sheep show at the fair.Needless to say the polar bears were thrilled to see this, especially since the first class is supposed to be a strong wool class. They're planning their fair visit now, and I don't like how they're checking the scissors for sharpness. Those poor, poor sheep. I wonder if they have time to escape their pastures and flee?

In Even Worse News

In even worse news, the polar bears just discovered that there will be a quilt contest at the fair, conveniently for them, right there in the building where they're holding the bear contest. Hasn't what has happened at every quilt show in this area for the last few years taught these foolish people anything? Quilts should be as far from bears as possible because where there is a sign that says bears, there is sure to be a polar bear. Perhaps I need to call the jail and book a cell. I think I'm going to need a good alibi for this fair.

The Fair is Doomed

While looking for more things to enter, the rabbits stumbled across a bear contest that the fair is hosting. Really, the funny farm is slacking off so terribly in their duties, letting people so obviously mentally deranged roam free like this. The bears just sent in a question to see how they can go about entering. I hope this fair has insurance, is all that I can say, because thanks to the lunatics in charge of it, they are totally doomed.

They Entered

The rabbits just filled out forms to enter three cucumbers in the fair. They were so sneaky about it too, using the human's name and pretending that they're one human instead of a group of bunnies. I really ought to turn them in. Of course, on the other hand, I did just see where this fair is having a birdhouse contest. Do you think I can convince the rabbits to gather more rental properties for me if I don't turn them in for impersonating a human?

Giant Zucchini

The fair is actually offering a prize for the producing of a giant zucchini. The winner gets 100 dollars. Hmmmm. Okay, the fair IS an insane place to say the least with all of their encouragement of rabbits, but still money is money. Do you think I need to encourage the bunnies to up the plants' feeding schedule to daily? They have one specimen growing out there right now that's getting alarmingly large.

Farmer's Market

They're having that farmers' market near the archives again tomorrow. The human has already mentioned needing to pop up there to do some research, and I just know at least one of the rabbits will try to stow away. Does anyone know the best knots for restraining bunnies? The human will surely fail to supervise them if she's working on that terrible tree of hers, and I shudder to think of what they might do if they got loose at the farmers' market. They've mentioned getting more of those horrible zebra tomatoes for seeding purposes!


I am hearing alarming sounds of bread wrappers rustling, the toaster popping, and the refrigerator being opened. Those rabbits now have seven loaves of bread, and they're hard at work on sandwiches, sandwiches that I just know I'm going to be expected to help them with eating. There's something paper-like propped up in my cat bed, and I'm sure it's an invitation to a tea party. I can only hope that this tea party isn't black tie.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Free Cookies and Twinkies

Yes, that insane store actually put out coupons offering free cookies and Twinkies. Really, they're just down the block from the dwelling of Betsy Bear. Obviously they are insane to make such an offer with that terrible bear in the area. There will not be a cookie left in the building or a Twinkie either, and how they'll ever explain it to the other poor customers, I have no idea. And it will be all on their heads too, for offering free stuff and attracting that bear. Really, what in the world is taking the funny farm so long to get around to picking these people up with such obvious signs of insanity?

Oh, Things Just Get Worse and Worse

Those bunnies found more of those awful coupons for the bread, and as the coupon papers also offered free cookies, Betsy Bear has offered to assist them in hunting down even more papers. I am going to be attending tea parties forever at this rate. Do you suppose I can at least insist the bunnies serve catnip tea?

Insane Store

Obviously the people who run the store down the street are insane, and I have no clue how the funny farm has missed capturing them. Not only did they sell more of those cheap, five cent packs of seed to the bunnies this afternoon, but they provided them with three loaves of bread! They're going to use that bread for sandwiches for tea parties, I just know it. And even worse, they had coupons so the bread was FREE! Have you ever heard of something so horrible?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Has anyone heard that this nutty site, devoted to helping the growth of terrifying family trees, is actually giving away free access to the 1930 census for this month? They should be ASHAMED! That's the census that my human especially needs access to in order to add even more limbs, and to put people in their proper order, and here they go letting her onto it so she can get more bad ideas that I want to imagine about growing that tree. Aren't there some sort of laws about such a large tree? I'm sure it's a menace and there are some rather large and likely dangerous nuts hanging off some of the branches.

The Country on Friday?

I'm afraid I heard comments on a possible trip to the country this Friday. I wonder if two days' warning is enough for me to find a place to hide and thus dodge this? Even though their thoughts are kind of focused on fairs and blue ribbons, I'm sure the bunnies would manage to slip away for a bit to try gathering stuff for seeding purposes and next year's garden. I'm surprised poor Farmer Turley hasn't given up farming already with my rabbit siblings hopping to visit him whenever they can. And I shudder to think what might happen if that nutty neighbor up there has his airplane completed. Betsy will snitch it for sure!

Feeding the Plants

The more I think of it, the more I worry about that insane fair and the trouble it is going to cause. Ever since they got the idea of entering in their little, bunny brains, the rabbits have been trying to think of how they can improve their produce, and up their chances of winning. They're thinking of upping the plants' feeding schedule and providing them with daily food, so they'll have good specimens to show off at the fair. I shudder to think of what upping their feeding schedule and feeding them daily could do. It's already horrifying enough to see what they're doing when being fed once a day! Can the fair be held accountable for out of control growth and the loss of our poor neighbors' dwellings?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Bunny Beauty Contest

I suppose I should let the funny farm know about this. The nuts at the fair are having a bunny beauty contest too. I'm not sure what they're up to, but if any of it involves proving their insanity in multiple, horrifying ways, they're sure going to be successful at that. The bunnies are debating now about entering this beauty pageant for rabbits, and I believe a shopping expedition to find more clothing and earbows is being debated. They have some idea about me accompanying them should they need to go to shop too. I wonder if I have time to find a place to hide? I shudder to think of how much hopping about they would do on the bus, even if I did manage to leash them.

More Fair Lunacy

I wonder how they found so many lunatics to work at the fair this year? They're actually having a honey competition over there. People from all over will be lagging in honey and bees for exhibiting purposes. Is this a good time to note the fact that the fair grounds are just a short distance away from our house? Betsy Bear has now offered her assistance to the rabbits in carting in any produce they want to exhibit and putting it out for display purposes. My one comfort is that perhaps someone will see that horrible bear with the rabbits, and thus they will be blamed when the all of the honey is eaten and those poor bees are carted off to captivity.

The Fair

Our local fair is doomed is all that I can say. The rabbits stumbled across something for it, and now they're looking into entering some of their produce. I'm sure they'll make the acquaintances of tons of other gardeners there, and will only gain encouragement for next year's garden. Do you think there's any way that I can stop them? They'll probably be able to gather seeds and other things there too, which will be disastrous for our poor, misfortunate neighbors next year. I'm afraid they're talking of possibly entering a few cucumbers, or maybe some squash and beans.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Dodging Invitations

The bunnies have taken to storing their saved seeds in those mini jelly jars, like the kind they have in gift packs at Christmas. Anyway, they think they'll need more jars, which will call for upping jelly consumption around here. Josie Rabbit is thinking of tea parties in order to use more jelly and get more jars, and of course she's planning to drag me into this. Does anyone know how I can dodge invitations? I have no desire to drink gallons of tea, and goodness knows that bunny biscuits couldn't be made tasty no matter what jelly they used on it.

Plant Milk

The rabbits have arranged for the plants to have their own jug of milk now. They actually bought them a quart full of milk for feeding purposes! Really, the store who sold them that should be so ashamed but seeing as it's the same store that sold the bunnies all of that seed earlier this year, I imagine they aren't. I wonder if I should report this store to the neighbors? I'm afraid a few more feedings will send the watermelon right into their living room. Oh, and to make matters even worse, the store actually provided the bunnies with a coupon for the milk, so they SAVED money on it!

More Seeding Horrors

They seeded the brandywine tomato, and I shudder to imagine how many seeds will result from that awful, gigantic fruit. Really, why isn't such a large thing illegal to sell on the public market? It only provides seeds and encourages bunnies. And, in even worse news, they seeded a pepper as well. Honestly, I ought to hide their seeding knife and spoon, and certainly their little seeding strainer!

Next Year's Zebra Disaster

The rabbits counted the seed they got from that green zebra tomato and it turns out that there are over 100 seeds. I think I might need to email the zoo in a little bit. Perhaps if I give them enough warning they can up the security around the zebras dwelling place to prevent escapes. I am suddenly imagining our yard awash in a field of black and white as zebras pop over to snack and party.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Genealogy Book

The human is working on another genealogy book, a transcript of some uncle's letters from the Civil War. She expects to be through with it fairly soon too, which is rather worrisome for me, because there has been some mention of selling this thing, and I fear I could be drafted into providing assistance. Really, selling anything connected to that Civil War thing will result in way too much alarming closeness to such things as cannons, highly dangerous as long as Betsy Bear is roaming loose. I don't want to be anywhere near cannons and that bear! Does anyone have any ideas on how I can avoid selling duty and cannon exposure?

Some Good News For a Change

I do have one bit of good news to report. One of those penguins has finally been forced into clothing! A pair of red shorts, suitable for swimming was finally obtained, and he was forced to put them on. The tail hole is thankfully pretty tight too, so I don't think he can escape them easily. Now I just have to find another pair of shorts for the other boy penguin and figure out what clothing is suitable for the girls and for the penguin chick. Their days of waddling around in their bare feathers are numbered!

Green Zebra Tomato Part 2

The green zebra tomato was seeded this evening, and for such a small thing, it is truely horrifying how many seeds that it contained. I shudder to think of what will happen should the bunnies plant all of those seeds next year. Do you think I should find out what insane person at the farmer's market was actually selling these tomatoes? Perhaps I can share this with the zoo and get them off of our backs when they have mass zebra escapes next summer.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Yet More Yard Sale Disasters

In another rabbit related yard sale disaster, there were vegetable vendors at this event, and needless to say, these insane people were delighted to serve the rabbits. The bunnies came hopping home with a giant tomato they say is called Brandywine. This horrible fruit must be two pounds if it's anything, and I shudder to imagine the number of seeds that it has in it.

Another Yard Sale Disaster

The bunnies found the seed seller at the giant yard sale today, and she was all too happy to provide them with materials that I'm sure will result in our neighbors' doom. The rabbits came hopping out of her yard with rhubarb, apple gourd, gooseneck gourd and whale gourd! Honestly, none of those gourds will make anywhere near suitable rental property! What in the world were they thinking? My only comfort is that the angel trumpet plant that they bought is non-edible.

More Polar Bear Worries

When the humans and my siblings returned, Noah Bear reported that they had seen a couple of flocks of naked sheep while they were out. Needless to say, this news has me seriously concerned. The polar bears were unsupervised today, and I'm sure you all remember well their fascination with wool. I can only hope that these sheep were naked before the arrival of my siblings, and not after the polar bears dropped in on their pasture.

Another Apology to those Poor Seniors

I also need to apologize to those poor seniors for the actions of the polar bears today. Granted, it could be argued that they brought it on themselves though. They actually had quilts on the premises for the purposes of a raffle, and then they dared to have fabric for sale for quilting purposes as well. I wonder how much insurance the seniors have on their center, and if they've checked their policy to make sure that polar bear visits aren't something that is excluded under their coverage? I'm pretty sure Betsy is an excluded clause.

Additional Apologies

I also need to apologize to the American Legion and the Senior Center. The humans were rather serious about hunting that lighting fixture and Betsy was seriously unsupervised. Would you believe those seniors actually were brave enough to serve pie, cake, brownies and other goodies? I think you can imagine what happened when Betsy got loose in the senior center. You don't want to know what happened with the American Legion's homemade ice cream.

I Would Like to Apologize

I would like to apologize to those poor Veterans of Foreign Wars. Those poor, poor veterans had booths set up at their meeting hall during the giant yard sale. And Betsy Bear was at this event, unsupervised in the car while the humans were hunting a light fixture, and my human was looking for books. I think you can imagine what happened. Those poor veterans are all considering reenlisting now. Apparently they think that Betsy might not be able to find them if they head off to another foreign war, and thus they might be safe. Can I be blamed for this?

Friday, August 7, 2009

Cats and Pornography

Oh, this is funny. Some nutty human is accusing his cat of being to blame for over 1000 porn images found on his computer. Here's one of the articles here. Really, does this human think that the police were born yesterday, or were perhaps dropped on their heads excessively as small children? The cat looks like a perfectly respectable feline, not the type to go around looking at pornography at all. Now, if it was downloads of pictures of various fish, he might have had a case, but pornography and human pornography at that? Really, the police should sue him for insulting their intelligence, and the cat should bring charges of slander and libel. Perhaps I need to have my siblings' lawyer, Bubbles the Duck, pay this cat a call to see how to get a case started. I could probably get a reward from the duck for sending a client her way.

Another Frightening Thought

I just had another alarming thought about this yard sale. The human has obtained gourd seed there before, from the same person who has the quilt patterns, and who knows what other, alarming seed this person might be bringing along to sell? Oh, this is terrible! Can this poor person blame me should they be attacked by quilt seeking polar bears and seed seeking bunnies on the same day? Perhaps I should be sure to hide myself for the weekend to avoid the flack that I'm sure is going to be heading this way soon. I wonder if I have time to make a reservation at jail to insure my alibi?

A Frightening Thought

That giant yard sale the humans are planning to attend, well, I just did some checking, and it seems it runs right by a quilt shop. That doesn't seem like very good news given my polar bear sisters and their obsession with quilting. Do you think I should call these poor quilt shop owners and alert them of their doom approaching on big, polar bear feet? I shudder to think of what the polar bears might do in a quilt shop. And the human said something about how she has found people selling quilt patterns down there before. Really, don't people have any common sense, selling things like that when there might be polar bears in the area?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

French Seed

The bunnies sent an email to a rabbit friend of theirs who lives in France, asking him if he could send them some French seed this evening. Honestly, what am I going to go if he contributes to my bunny siblings' gardening delinquency? I'm sure this French rabbit was to blame for some of the French vegetable seeds they got from that seed exchange. I can only hope that they don't amuse themselves making friends with some bunnies from Asia next. There are truely alarming vegetables over there for sure.

More Seeds

More seeds were lagged home this afternoon. I'm just thinking goodness they are those nest egg gourd seeds, instead of some horrifying vegetable. I'm sure I can rent out the nest egg gourds to hummingbirds or something. Those little things should fit inside one of those gourds nicely.

More Food

Those awful plants were fed another sixty ounces of that milky mixture this afternoon. Honestly, they should be so ashamed of themselves, faking powdery mildew just to net extra feedings. It's alarming how much good it's doing them too. The watermelon will be sneaking through the fence by tomorrow, I expect, and then the poor dogs next door are doomed the next time they take a walk.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Police Last Night

The police were hanging around here last night, looking for a possible fleeing criminal. That poor, poor criminal. I'm sure he'll be found eventually, or rather his property will be, under a zucchini plant after the bunnies' garden finishes digesting him. It was rainy last night, so they didn't get their feeding, and I'm sure they're feeling grouchy. Do you suppose I might be lucky enough that those police might have spotted the garden and reported it to the proper authorities?

Possible Nutty Neighbor

Does anyone know how to report a neighbor to the local funny farm? I'm afraid he rather foolishly brought a batch of peppers over yesterday. I'm not sure if it was a peck or not, and they certainly weren't pickled, but they are alarmingly large, and are, I'm sure, just packed full of seeds. Wouldn't you think he would know better than to leave something like that where rabbits can get their paws on them? He's just encouraging those bunnies to garden more. Perhaps he feels safe because he lives across the street and thinks the garden can't get him over there. Obviously, a sign of total insanity is all that I can say. A mere street is no protection from the monster garden.

The Beef Stew

On second thought, the beef stew might pose more dangers than expected. It seems that annoying vegetables are also put into this mixture, which means the rabbits think they need to up their garden right away to raise produce for this meal. Can the neighbors hold the church to blame should they become homeless?


Hallalujah, the church decided to go with a beef stew dinner instead of that horrible turkey meal they were thinking about! I am now totally safe to go about my business with those turkeys who are coming in to rent a hideout here without worries about what the human might be up to. And the cows quite frankly are too concerned about the rabbits attempting to get their manure to worry about dinners. For once that church seems to be cooperating with the best interests of the cat!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Penguin Shopping Expedition

I think I might take the penguins shopping tomorrow while the human is working on some nutty thing for church. On the upside, a nice, traumatic shopping experience with a group of delinquent penguins should take my mind off the fact the human is volunteering to take over as head of a turkey dinner quite nicely. On the downside, there are five big penguins and a penguin chick I will be expected to manage on the bus and then in the stores. I wonder how much insurance they have? I thought about possibly getting leashes and harnesses for keeping the penguins in line, but I'm not sure if they make leashes to fit such creatures. With their short, stubby wings, and their pretty much lacking necks, I'm afraid they would be able to escape easily. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to keep them in line?

Third Tomato Seeded

The rabbits seeded the California Gold tomato this afternoon. Unfortunately for the rabbits, our grandhuman ate some of the tomato before they could get their paws on it, so they didn't get as many seed as they would like. Of course, this does mean they will be looking for another tomato of the same species to up their seed count of it. I wonder if I might be lucky and have the stores be sold out?


Does anyone know if I can sue a blogger for putting terrible ideas into the fluffy little heads of the polar bears? This person, Lazy Gal has a blog showing a group of poor, innocent felines being forced to assist in quilt assembly. Really, aren't such things illegal in several states? Anyway, seeing those poor cats has given my polar bear sisters the insane idea that I ought to help them with quilting and putting together a pile of polar bear quilts for the winter. Can I sue this blogger for encouraging them? They're offering to buy me my own pair of scissors!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Shopping with Penguins

I have concluded that those penguins must be taken shopping for swimming suits at once. Obviously, the human won't keep them in line in the stores, though, so I'm afraid I'll have to lag them myself and supervise them. Does anyone have any ideas about what fare the bus company will charge for a group of penguins? They're kind of small, but some of them are rather plump to say the least. I'm sure I can shove them all into the same seat, though, so wouldn't that make them only worth one human fare?


The first loose feather was found in the pool this afternoon. It was suspiciously gray and fluffy too, just like a penguin feather would be. Oh, those little pests must have waddled out to the pool while I was taking my afternoon nap! Does anyone have any suggestions for how to best keep them in their place? They're going to jam up the pool and break the filter for sure if they keep diving in in their bare feathers!


If you were a victim of a crime, how would you feel if Betsy Bear and the other teddies were the ones investigating? Can't that count as making the poor victim a victim of a crime twice? The teddies have been doing a bit of reading, and they're thinking they would be great at solving cases. PLEASE! Betsy has caused more crimes than she has ever solved, and a tomato would distract the bunnies in a second. Any suggestions for where I can hide the human's sets of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books? They are obviously giving impressionable creatures bad ideas.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Catnip and Cucumbers

To make matters worse, the feeding with that milky mixture is encouraging cucumber growth, and they're heading right for my catnip patch! On of them even tried to grab on to some of the leaves of my crop this afternoon. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to defend the catnip from the bunnies' invasive plants? Perhaps helping them head for the neighbors' dwelling is the lesser of two evils.

A Third Serving of Milk

Those plants got fed fifty ounces of that milky mix this afternoon. Oh, I shudder to think of how much growth that will encourage! The watermelon seems to grow another foot every time it's fed, and it's currently growing right towards the neighbors' dwelling. Those poor neighbors. What will become of them if the rabbits start feeding the plants daily? Really, even if they did have powdery mildew, I'm sure it doesn't call for this much applying of the milky stuff.

Church Dinner

Oh, this is terrible. Bad enough that the human was supposed to provide pies for the dinner the church is holding, but now she thinks she might be called upon to organize the entire thing! It's a turkey dinner! I am expecting a flock of turkeys in to rent out the pool house come October. How in the world am I going to explain to them if they arrive here to find her making tickets and organizing food for a turkey dinner? What if they decide to boycott?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Speaking of the New Penguin

In another complaint about that new penguin, would you believe he's waddling around here in nothing but his bare feathers and talking about diving into the pool without a swimming suit? Honestly, what IS with these penguins and skinnydipping? It isn't like they look so great naked, and have anything special to show off. They need to all put clothing on at once, especially before getting into that pool. There will be trouble for sure if they break the filter with loose feathers.


A new penguin moved in today. Granted, he was living at a homeless shelter before waddling over here, so I suppose I should be happy to help him out, but still, I just know he's going to be nothing but trouble. His first words upon arriving were asking where the pool was, and I spotted him sending an email a bit ago to some of his penguin relations, probably inviting them over for a dip. Really, don't these homeless shelters have standards? You would think they could reform these penguins a bit before letting them out.

Green Zebra Tomato

The rabbits have obtained something called a Green Zebra tomato. There was a farmer's market today up near the archive where the human goes to grow that awful tree, and would you believe she had the nerve to bring one of those tomatoes back for the bunnies? My one comfort is that it's small, and perhaps doesn't have too many seeds in it. I just know it will attract zebras, though, exactly what we don't need. The zoo is never going to forgive us for all of the havoc my siblings are causing.