Apologies for the Noise

We're very sorry for the noise this morning.  We hope it didn't disturb Sunday sermon for anyone.  The human's pastor said something this morning that every Sunday is really a celebration of Easter, and Brother wasn't pleased.  He ranted forever about how he was trying to encourage rabbits and how he was wanting to grow the congregation by getting bunnies to hop in, and how the collection plate would be packed with carrots if such a thing occurred.  Most annoying.  Anyway, we think he's quieted down a bit, but we have to baste some quilts in a little bit in preparation for an insane amount of quilting tomorrow so much noise is anticipated shortly.  Please guard your ears accordingly.

Sunday Noise and Wedding Disaster

Sorry about not posting this weekend.  First, we were dealing with the disaster of the human's cousin's wedding.  Which was made a disaster due to the antics of one Betsy Bear.  The human's poor, poor cousin.  A reception table with cake and a ton of yummy cupcakes were left unguarded while the cousins were exchanging their vows.  We think you can guess what happened.  We're just glad that the parking lot was covered in gravel that didn't result in a trail of paw prints leading right to our car.  Then we had to spend the rest of the night picking up all of the discarded cupcake wrappers, which took forever.  And Sunday wasn't much better.  The church is taking up donations for needy animals so when we visited the store we looked for something nice to contribute.  And promptly got bombarded with texts from Brother demanding to know what we were doing at the store, and why we weren't in the vegetable aisle, and was that cat food we were in, and what were we up to?  He's now shrieking about how we are planning to fool other kitties into thinking bunnies are nice, wonderful creatures, and who knows what we will convince them of from there, and it is probably part of some plot to convert them to vegetarianism!  Very, very annoying.

Church Report

The humans actually let the squirrel ride in the front seat on the way to church this morning. Now everyone knows that there is a giant squirrel living here. How embarrassing! I was hoping to limit the number of people who knew about the squirrel, and now the humans might as well have taken out a billboard. And worse, the church did drop off those sacks, and now the squirrel is happily munching on some nut filled candy bars. They fed him too! If they're going to feed the squirrel, where is my sack of treats?

Disaster Looms

Disaster looms tomorrow. Not only is that squirrel lurking, plotting to drag me to church, but now he came in to give me the happy news that for Christmas, the church is distributing large sacks of nuts to squirrels! He's expecting a sack tomorrow! Nothing good can result from that squirrel being gifted with nuts. It's sure to make him grow more, which will lead to a sure disaster! What is the church thinking, catering to squirrels this way? Really, are those bushy tailed troublemakers such wonderful parishioners?

Sunday

The squirrel came trotting in just a bit ago, to tell me I should start scrubbing my fur now, in anticipation of going to CHURCH on Sunday! I'm going to be drug off, and forced to listen first to a bunch of humans attempting to sing, and then to a sermon. And I'll probably end up with a new batch of siblings too, since apparently churches have decided to solve the homeless creature problem by having them move in here. Sniff, sniff, sniff! And now the squirrel is listening to church music and insisting I listen to the squirrel church anthem as well! Isn't there a law against such torture?

Church Report

I narrowly dodged going to Suday Sermon this morning. That squirrel was all fired up about attending, and getting his name added to the membership rolls. I was sure he was going to grab me and insist upon my attending as well, but somehow I escaped. I don't think I will get that lucky next time, though. I spotted the squirrel digging out my leash when he returned from sermon, and I don't know what else he would need it for. I don't want to go to church! I'm sure there are homeless creatures just dying to move in there! And what if I am expected to tithe? I have no desire to turn over tuna!

Bus Arrived

The bus arrived today with the squirrel and the dragon, along with their luggage. The dragon seems like he will be a nice sibling, but I am deeply concerned about that squirrel. He is up to something, I am sure of it. He lagged in a giant suitcase I fear is packed full of seed, and he's already talking about attending CHURCH! I just know that the squirrel will expect me to attend Sunday sermon as well, and what if there are more siblings awaiting me at the alter? Churches seem fond of forcing massive amounts of siblings upon me. What in the world will I do if this squirrel gets me into a church and then I am presented with a horde of new siblings? I knew letting him move in was an awful idea, I just knew it!

The Squirrel

The more I think of that squirrel, who is on his way here on a bus at this very moment, the more nervous I am. I hear he is fifteen inches, not including his tail, which makes him a true giant among squirrels. Nothing good can result from a squirrel being that big. His short cousins are troublesome enough, with how they are obsessed with planting seeds. This giant squirrel is sure to be worse, and did you know squirrels are religious? This squirrel will be big enough to drag me off to church, and what if he selects a religious institution just waiting to provide me with more siblings? Churches seem to love doing that, you know. Or what if he drags me to one that practices baptism? I don't want to be dunked!

Bunny Book

Does anyone have suggestions for possibly sabotaging the phone, the car and any other things that the human can use to contact that person at church? I just heard her a bit ago, talking about how she needs to check in with them about the rummage sale promotion, and wouldn't it be nice if while she did that, if she checked too, about hiring that person she learned of to provide the cover for the rabbit work. A cover with a rabbit on the front! Have you ever heard of something so frightening? It will have a rabbit and a vegetable on the cover. And the bunnies are sure it will appeal to the farmer's market bunch and the food co-op people too. There must be something I can do to prevent this illustration from taking place!

Second Sunday Horror

The bunnies shared another horror from yesterday with me while they were lounging around awaiting the arrival of the repairman who is to get the pool fixed for their bunny swimming pleasure. Apparently while the human was at Sunday sermon, she got the happy news that the people in the pew in front of her have relations who are artists. So now she thinks she might have a good solid lead on getting that nightmarish rabbit book illustrated. Sniff, sniff, sniff. Really, the church should be ashamed of themselves! The bunnies are horribly encouraged now, and I don't want to think of how they will be acting should this book lead pan out!

Trading January

I wonder what I would have to do to trade this month for something else? It surely is doing nothing but causing problems for me, and I will be ever so happy to have it gone. I can't believe what this month has done now. Really, why isn't stuff like this illegal, torrmenting a feline so? The human got the happy news today that someone is getting married at church, and now she has the idea of asking if this lady needs someone to make food, or possibly to assemble favors. No matter what task the human offers, all I can see is work for me! You know the rabbits won't let me take my favorite position of snoozing when any sort of work is going on. They'll craft me and force me into an assembly line, or into an apron for baking assistance. What in the world am I going to do?

Approaching Horror

I wonder if there's a way I can sabotage things to keep the human awake on a permanent basis? She was snoozing a bit ago, and oh, you won't believe the horror that she dreamed up. The church is planning to have some sort of sale to raise funds for an air conditioner, to replace the one that Nick that Cat likely sabotaged. Anyway, the human dreamed up the notion of getting a bunch of churches together, to do a giant, city wide sale as a way to get much publicity and money. She's planning to call someone bright and early in the morning, to present this idea, and hopefully get the ball rolling. Doomed, I am doomed. Homeless creatures always loiter around these events, undoubtedly attracted by the hot dogs and deserts served there. And they always pounce on my human the second she walks in the door. A massive event like this might draw the homeless from all over the state! Who knows how many siblings I might end up with, should the human pull this off!

What Did I do to the Church?

What did I do so wrong that the church is out to get me? Because surely they think I did something. Oh, you won't believe the horror that I experienced this morning, thanks to that place. The human dropped by this church, that was having some sort of event involving hot dogs, and she was promptly tackled by various animals with tales of woe about being homeless. I now have seven more siblings, including a monkey, a reindeer, a cow, three bears, and worst of all, another polar bear! I am up to 683 siblings. Woe is me! The only comfort I can see is the cow. She's a truly lazy creature. I asked her for milk, thinking I would be able to at least get snacks from her, and she refused, saying she doesn't do that sort of work. Maybe I can get the bunnies interested in reforming this cow into an industrious creature instead of their many plots to make me work? I'm sure they won't be impressed at all by her refusal to work at milking. They probably think she ought to produce milk and churn up cheese and butter from it too. At least I hope so. Tricking them into harassing her is my only hope!

Today's Rabbit Horrors

The bunnies got their year off to a rather nice start according to them, when one of them hopped out this afternoon, and came back lagging a large sack full of plant bulbs. Apparently some church was having a sale, and this foolish religious institution allowed a rabbit to stroll away with the makings for over fifty plants. Have you ever heard of something so frightening? The rabbits are trying to claim that these are just flowers, and are harmless, but they can't fool me. One of the packs clearly says grape hyacinth. Do they really think I don't know what grapes are? That church ought to be ashamed, contributing to the bunnies' delinquency like they did, and at such a reasonable price too!

Countdown to Horror

I did some checking, and would you believe that some churches are actually offering up candy starting tomorrow? Really, I thought churches were supposed to be nice, good places, but various ones are spending this weekend putting out child bait so that Betsy can have a crime spree. Those poor, poor children. They will never want to set foot in a religious institution again after this. Betsy already has over a hundred snitching sacks in her paws, in anticipation, and she knows where she can obtain more if necessary.

More Sale Horrors

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was trying to recover from the trauma of those church sales, but a rest didn't help much. The human finished unpacking the bags she got, and more horrors were discovered. It turns out that in addition to all of the rabbit encouragement, she also purchased a large sack of fabric, just perfect for quilts! I think you can imagine how pleased the polar bears were to see that. They're currently going through it, to see what pieces go best with their fur, and making plans to get their paws on wool for batting. All sheep in the area should probably put an order in now for sweaters, for their wool is doomed!

Punishing the Church

After the trouble they have caused, I can only pray that Betsy helped herself to every goodie that those pesky churches were trying to peddle today. You won't believe what they did! First of all, one of the churches had a rabbit lurking about, and as soon as the human came trotting over, of course this bunny hopped up and tackled her, begging to be allowed to move in. And to make matters worse, the adoption fee for the bunny was so reasonable, that the human was able to adopt a bear as well. I now have 657 siblings. Then, to make the horrors of the day more nightmarish, another church was selling SEED! Naturally the rabbits were thrilled to spot the giant seed display, and came hopping home with 33 packs, including an alarming number of packs saying something about giant pumpkins. Our poor, poor neighbors are doomed!

Upcoming Horrors

I do hope that everyone who lives up in the country by the lake the humans are fond of has had time to double their property insurance and hide their food. The human has heard of a festival up that way, that she is now dying to attend, and of course if she goes, Betsy Bear will be accompanying her. I understand there will be a lot of food at this event which can only lead to a disaster with that bear on the loose. She's already been poking around, getting out the big snitching sacks in anticipation of upcoming goodie grabbing. And to make matters worse, a church always has a large sale during this festival, with baked goods poked out right where Betsy is sure to see them. I can only hope that all of those poor people are saying their prayers now, for their doom will be arriving on Saturday, on little bear feet!

Good News, Bad News

I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that the church books must be discussed at the next meeting before the human can get to work on them, which means that I have a month before I am expected to insert those coils. The bad news, though, is that means the human will have a month to get the other books she wants together, and to hopefully find a missing record book. She might have five or six books ready to go into production by the time the meeting rolls around, which means I could be inserting five or six hundred coils, instead of the 200 that I was fearing!

Dreading the Weekend

Does anyone know how to sabotage a phone? The human plans to call the minister tomorrow, to get permission to start copying the church records for binding, and while she's laboring over the church copier, she has plans to make copies of material for her own books too. Which, of course, means my weekend will be spoilt, by bunnies hopping around, wanting to help in book assembly, and who have plans to draft me for coil insertion duties. Does anyone here know how bad phone wires are for teeth? I'm sure dentists don't recommend it, but chewing their the phone wire might be my only option.