Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Etiquette and the Bill

The bill for those flowers that I had the etiquette question about arrived today, which wasn't unexpected since the florist is only five or six blocks away. The problem is that the bill for this plant was almost forty dollars! My name was placed on it! Does this mean that I have to come up with cash towards this bill now? Is the florist going to come after me for my part?

Et Tu, Walmart?

Walmart has joined all of the other businesses around on my need to sue list. The human went there today, and they sold her eight packs of shiney paper to print out horrible genealogy materials for book purposes. She is planning to do an edit tomorrow, and arrange things a bit better before getting right to work on printing. And printing can only lead to binding, and coils needing to be inserted. Which can only lead to work for ME! Walmart should be ashamed!

Monday, August 30, 2010

House Guests?

Okay, I am now getting concerned. I heard the human talking just a bit ago, and she was saying something about how she was sure that I would just love having my dog cousins drop by for a few days to visit, so she can get a ride to that horrible battle to sell her books. Now, I have nothing against dogs, but these don't seem like the most disciplined canines in the world, and I would undoubtedly be expected to spend valuable napping time reforming them! Not to mention, what if the bunnies recruited them for gardening excavation duties? Mud and dirt everywhere, and I'm sure I would be held responsible. Does anyone know how to repel potential house guests?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Etiquette Question

I have an etiquette question that I hope someone can help me with. The humans had a death in the family this weekend, and naturally, they sent flowers to the funeral. I happened to be strolling by as the human was placing this order, and at the last moment, before I could do a thing, she told the florist to add my name to the gift card. The way I understand it, people who have their name on plant gift cards are supposed to contribute towards the purchase of said plant. So, does this mean that I am on the hook for this flower, even though it sure wasn't my idea? I suspect the human forged my name in the funeral guest book as well. Does that create more of an obligation for me? Now will I have to purchase a sympathy card or something?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Good News, Bad News

I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that the church books must be discussed at the next meeting before the human can get to work on them, which means that I have a month before I am expected to insert those coils. The bad news, though, is that means the human will have a month to get the other books she wants together, and to hopefully find a missing record book. She might have five or six books ready to go into production by the time the meeting rolls around, which means I could be inserting five or six hundred coils, instead of the 200 that I was fearing!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Dreading the Weekend

Does anyone know how to sabotage a phone? The human plans to call the minister tomorrow, to get permission to start copying the church records for binding, and while she's laboring over the church copier, she has plans to make copies of material for her own books too. Which, of course, means my weekend will be spoilt, by bunnies hopping around, wanting to help in book assembly, and who have plans to draft me for coil insertion duties. Does anyone here know how bad phone wires are for teeth? I'm sure dentists don't recommend it, but chewing their the phone wire might be my only option.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Add UPS to the List

I have so many people to sue now that it isn't funny. UPS got themselves added to my little list when they trotted to the door this afternoon, with a huge box with clear front covers, and in even worse news for my paws, the two hundred coils that will need to be inserted in the books. Needless to say, the human was thrilled, and was amusing herself, fussing over the material, and exclaiming how nice her books will look when put together. I have a horrible fear as to what I will be spending this weekend doing.

Suing the Post Office and Office Depot Too

I am going to be spending all of my time in court, is all that I can say, because Office Depot, the Post Office, and that pesky mailman who really ought to know better by now are being sued as soon as I can find a lawyer. You won't believe this, but Office Depot just sent the human a fat rebate card in the mail, a card that will be more than enough to cover the costs of getting holes punched in those nightmarish genealogy books, and in the books for church as well. My nap was rudely disturbed by her shouts of happiness upon opening the envelope and seeing the amount on her card. Office Depot should be ashamed, and I don't know what the post office was thinking! And now she's thinking of calling the church right away, to see about getting things set up to get those books made quickly. I am doomed!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Suing Fed-Ex

Does anyone know how to bring suit against Fed-Ex? While the human was out, they came creeping by in their little truck, and dropped off 200 backs for the books the human is planning to put together for herself and for the church. I tried to tell them that we weren't accepting the delivery of that package, but would you believe that they said as I wasn't the human it was mailed to, that I didn't have the right to tell them to take it back? The backs are sitting in the kitchen now, awaiting the arrival of the covers and coils to go with them, and then the assembly fun will start. Does anyone know how to make delivery truck repellent?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Call the Police!

Call the police right away! As if it wasn't bad enough, that the human attended four days at that genealogical horror session, learning to grow her horrible tree, she just checked her voice mail, and her request to speak at sign her book of Civil War letters at the battle held down at one of those horrible ancestors homes has been approved! This means that she will need books put together, which means someone is going to have to assist in this assembling! The bunnies are hopping around, all excited, with their assembly sign-up list, and I have a sneaking suspicion my name is on there as a coil inserter. What in the world am I going to do? As soon as the supplies arrive, she plans to get right to work, binding books!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Horror Report Day Four

Well, the horror convention is over, and I swear when I find a good attorney, I am bringing charges against the people who are to blame for this event. The human came back with horrible ideas about growing that tree, and about how to make things with growing the tree go faster. She's already started working on one of the books she's wanting to do, based on these ideas, and I'm sorry to announce that the human thinks it is going very well. I shudder to think of how much this is going to encourage her. Those people ought to be ashamed of themselves. If she learns a better way to make those books, I will be drafted onto the book assembly line for sure! My poor, poor paws!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Horror Report Day Two

The horror is even more alarming today. The human went to that horrible archive place on her lunch break, and to speak up relative hunting, she got the idea to just order every obituary in the clippings file on the names she is researching, instead of cranking through microfilm to find each one. The cranking slowed her down tremendously, but now that one comfort is gone. She came home, her arms full of obituaries that were copied at lightening speed, and are ready for poking on the tree! Run for your lives while you still can!

Horror Report Day One

The human spent the day at the horror convention, I am very sad to report, and came home happy with lots of ideas. For some insane reason, they actually let her attend a talk all about publishing, and needless to say, numerous bad ideas have been put into her head for assembling those horrible books of family tree materials. Those people should be ashamed of themselves, they really should be. My service was horrible yesterday due to the human's absence. I did not get a single nibble of cheese! And I seeing as they're allowing her back for a second day, I am anticipating more cheese denial. About the only good thing that I can see in any of this is the fact that the human took Betsy Bear with her when she left, but still, a day without that awful bear does not make up for such horror exposure, and such awful cheese denial.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Opening Day of Horror

Speaking of horror, tomorrow is the opening day of horror, when the genealogy conference starts. The human already has plans to head over, first thing in the morning, to learn all about growing that awful tree. She's even thinking of eating breakfast over there, to give her more time to play with that tree, and the horrible genealogist friends that she hopes to make. And what about my breakfast, might I ask?

Horror Report

The human did it. She actually did it. She placed an order for the materials needed to start putting together those horrible books related to her family tree. And she ordered material for the church as well. As of now, she has enough stuff to assemble 200 books! The bunnies are already hard at work, putting together a signup list for the book assembly line. And they keep looking at me, at the item coil insertion, and snickering. Why do I have a feeling the rabbits plan to put me down to thread 200 coils into books? My poor paws. I can feel the blisters already!

Monday, August 16, 2010

My Worst Nightmare

My worst nightmare has came to pass. Someone has offered to buy a couple of the human's genealogy books, which is a bad sign, I am sure, of future encouragement to come. Needless to say, the human was very pleased to get this news, and is eagerly anticipating hearing news about a talk she wants to give on that horrible family tree soon. I will be sure to warn my loyal readers should she get permission to do this, so you will know what areas to avoid. Decent sorts don't need to be exposed to such horror. And now that she has an offer for a couple of books, she's going to want to go ahead full speed with assembling things, I am sure. The rabbits have offered to assist her with this, and I do not like the way the bunnies were looking at me when they made this offer. I suspect they have plans to plop me on the horror assembly line!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Florida Bear

Has anyone heard about that poor bear in Florida with a jar that got stuck on his head? They claim it happened when he was digging through some garbage, but I just know that Betsy is to blame somehow. The human has mentioned wanting to go to Florida again. That poor cub probably heard the news, thought Betsy was on her way, and got the notion if he hid his head, that she wouldn't be able to find him. He's just a cub after all, and goodness knows that infants aren't that clever. It took fish and wildlife ten days to free him. Do you suppose his mother can press charges against Betsy for frightening and endangering her cub?

Saturday, August 14, 2010


I think I need to bring a suit against our local mission, for the trouble they have caused me, these last few days. Really, I know they're supposed to help the homeless, but this is ridiculous. The human loves visiting them, and the last couple of days, every time she has stepped foot in there, she has had various animals flinging themselves on her, begging to move in. I am now up to 655 siblings, thanks to that mission, and I am very suspicious of the rabbit that the human allowed to hop in today. She claims she's much too thin, and while I have to agree that she is a smaller bunny, I don't think I want to know what she's planning, in order to stuff herself. I'm sure it's a threat to the neighbors. Couldn't the mission have stuffed her properly first, before letting her out?

Friday, August 13, 2010

Disaster in the Making

A disaster is fast approaching, is all that I can say. The human just emailed the place where one of her ancestors lived, and where they have a Civil War battle each year, to see about setting up to sign the book of letters she assembled from one of her relations that was in the war, and who fought nearby. She has also offered to talk about the family. What if they agree to this? The human is sure she could do a good talk, with her research to guide her, which would lure lots of people in, and bring in lots of money for the society! I think I'll be screening her email for a few days, to delete any acceptances she might get. Such horrible encouragement can only result in more growth to that nightmarish family tree!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Grocery Store

I don't know why the grocery store hates me. I've never crept in and amused myself raiding their fish and milk supplies. I have done nothing to offend them. They must have something against me, though, because they just announced a contest for my kind, with a summer theme. The prize is a hundred dollar gift card for their establishment. The rabbits saw this, and immediately thought of all of the seed that would purchase. They are now hopping about, gathering various props and discussing how best to pose me so they will win. Is there a law against dressing cats in Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses? The grocery store should be ashamed!

Cat Bed

The humans purchased a new bed for me today. It's rather nice, and matches my fur, so I suppose I should be pleased, but frankly, I am suspicious, and it is all due to those rabbits. As soon as the humans brought the bed in, they hopped over, and started going on about how portable it is, and how perfect it would be for travel. And I'm sure that any trips the bunnies have planned for me will involve them as well, and probably either seed hunting, or selling their tales of rabbit terror. Perhaps I ought to avoid this bed like the plague?

Monday, August 9, 2010

Squash Report

I have horrifying news. The squash is flowering! The bunnies hopped out to check it out, and then came in, squealing about the arrival of the first blossoms. Oh, this doesn't bode well at all! Those blossoms are sure to become squash, and can only lead to the rabbits getting a huge harvest. And I just know they're plotting to find some work for me related to this gardening, and harvesting.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

More Yard Sale Issues

Oh, I forgot to share the other disastrous news that resulted from the human attending that yard sale yesterday. I church was taking part, and for some reason, a bunny was loitering around their booth. Naturally, when my human came trotting up to check out the merchandise, the rabbit threw herself on the human, declared she was a poor, homeless creature and begged to be adopted right away. And the human fell for it, of course. The rabbit is here right now, lounging in the living room, making plans for a long soak in the tub, and then a bit of gardening. I am up to 648 siblings. And this one will probably want to get her picture taken too!

Giant Yard Sale Disaster

The human limped off to that horrible, giant yard sale today, and naturally a couple of rabbits, one of the polar bear cubs and Betsy went along with her. She wasn't able to go to very many sales, but the ones she did choose to hit ought to be illegal. She trotted by the lady who has the nerve to offer various seed for sale every year. I think you can safely guess what happened there, with rabbits on the loose. And then there were the poor senior citizens, the American Legion and those Veterans of Foreign Wars. I don't know why those people never learn. They were selling food again this year for some insane reason, or they were before Betsy dropped by. I just hope they are insured, especially the seniors. They were being very foolish this year, and offered a large supply of cotton fabric for sale as well. I think you can guess what happened with that. The cub came trotting back with his paws full! And then, to make matters worse, the bunnies picked up a little something for me! A cat harness, so they can drag me everywhere by a leash!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Church Update

The human got more material from the church, for assembling into book formats. I think I might need to go into hiding, because she believes she will have enough for four or five books, by the time she is done, and possibly a few short booklets too. And, to make matters worse, the human who let her in to gather this material thinks that doing books is a wonderful idea. My poor, poor paws! I just know the human is plotting to put me on the book assembly line. And if she gets assembly rolling, she will probably try to slip in some genealogy stuff too!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Sorry to Announce

I am very sorry to announce the continuing health of the squash in the bunnies' garden. I'm afraid we've had a good bit of rain recently, and it has provided horrible encouragement for the plant. It's rather fat at the moment, and bright green, just lounging out there, waiting for the rabbits to start lagging out gallons of milk to feed it, and encourage more growth. I've seen suspicious movement from the watermelons as well, and I just know those things are plotting their path to our poor neighbors' homes even as we speak.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Apologies to the Country

I would like to offer my apologies to the country for what you suffered on Monday, but really, you must admit that you brought some of it on yourselves, living there, and not investing in bear and rabbit protection. The human went up to the country cottage on Monday, and of course Betsy trotted along with her, and a couple of my bunny sisters hopped along as well. I don't want to know what the bunnies did, but they came home looking much plumper than they were when they left, and there was much talk of butternut, tomatoes, and how badly our relation, poor Farmer Turley, really needed his fields of crops. As for Betsy, the less I say about her, the better. I just know she got her paws on our neighbor's poorly guarded plane, and is plotting something with it. And to make the disaster complete, there is now talk about going back for a few days, and my accompanying the humans on this trip! I will be taken as an accomplice for sure!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Horrors, Horrors, Horrors!

The human went out this afternoon and did a little pricing, to figure out how to get the best deal on those horrible books she's wanting to make for the church. Then she came home, and did a price comparison on Amazon. Much to my horror, she found a way to cut the cost per book almost in half. With such a good deal, I'm sure that the church will go for letting her produce these horrible manuscripts. And they will make such a large profit that I just know they will offer her aid with going to that horrible genealogy convention. Really, shouldn't such things be illegal? How can I report this church to the law? If the human does what she is planning, I am sure I will be drafted into assembling a nightmarish number of books, for rush orders!