Saturday, March 31, 2012
Where is the law when you need them? I've been pawing through the phone book for hours, but I'm still not sure who to report this to. First, the human went by a sale this church was having, and a couple of homeless bears were there, visiting the food pantry in search of honey. Naturally, they pounced on her, and naturally, she invited them to move in. I have 724 siblings now, a number that causes cold chills to think of. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, the bears and bunnies have done some thinking on the books, and they have came up with the perfect picture for the back of the book, a group shot of all of them gathered together! Do you know how long it will take for 724 bears to get situated and get their fur perfect for such a photo? And they've already informed me that I will be expected to appear in this family shot! It will take them hours to get posed, and I will be expected to be in attendance the entire time! And they're wanting to take the photo on the front porch too, where everyone will see me posing with bears! Where in the world is the law!
Friday, March 30, 2012
How worried do you think I should be? The bears spent all afternoon brushing and fluffing their fur, in anticipation of possible photo sessions. You should have seen the lot of them, primping and trying to get their fur it's nicest. And just now I spotted the bunnies, doing the same thing, and heard them talking about THEIR cover! I think the human might be making plans to go ahead and order the cover for her bunny novels at the same time that she orders the illustrations for the bear books! A cover is one of the final steps before publication! What in the world can I do to stop this? And how worried should I be that I heard the bunnies talking about applying the brush to ME next?
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The human wrote up the ad to try to find an illustrator for her books today. Woe is me! She's hoping to submit it to a couple of places over the weekend, and to send it to that horrible, awful art school. Why in the world do they have an educational institution like that anyway, a place to teach people to draw things like bears and bunnies? Anyway, in the ad, the human's said that she will provide photos of the bears and some of the background she wants, so now she's looking at spending the weekend gathering these photos and maybe even taking the bears out of town for a photo shoot! Taking them out of town! And how am I to get proper service if she's running around taking pictures of bears?
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Book plans and plans for trips to the country continue. The bunnies checked out my things today, to see how to best pack them to drag me to the cottage come book signing time. I crept under the table and heard something truly frightening while they were doing this checking. They were debating leaving my FOOD BIN behind in order to have more room for books! They said that there was plenty of food in the country, and I really didn't need the bin! I know perfectly well what kind of food they have in the country! Vegetables! Those rabbits are plotting to trap me up there, without my bin, so I will have no choice but to eat a vegetable!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The bunnies' plans for those books are growing. Really, if they weren't watching me so closely, I would be tempted to flee now while there is still time. Now they're talking about wanting to have everything ready by to tomato fest so they can have a huge, mass selling and signing. And afterwards they want to set up signings at the college the human attended, also in the country, and at other locations in the country they're still thinking up! That will call for a trip to the country cottage for sure, and those bunnies aren't likely to agree to my remaining here to supervise the house. Really, I ought to flee, but now that I think about it, it wouldn't work. The bunnies' leader is close friends with Santa. Santa would report my whereabouts to the Easter Bunny, and he would alert my siblings so they could drag me home!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Doomed, I'm doomed! My poor, poor paws. The bunnies went through with their threats to force me to cooperate with story-hunting, and now the human is happily typing in her frightening works, so she can figure out how many pictures she will need to have the horror illustrated and then published! Tales of Betsy Bear could be coming to a shelf near you, soon! Really, isn't there some sort of law somewhere about putting such frightening things into print where small children can read them? One of the books features Betsy Bear loose on Halloween! Isn't it bad enough that the poor children have to be robbed by that bear without being forced to have her antics appear in print, too? Doomed, doomed, doomed! The human's already emailed one person about illustrating, and tomorrow she plans to look for more. Those things are going to end up published for sure, and I don't want to think about how encouraged Betsy will be by it. And then once they are published, the selling work will start! The bunnies have already informed me that I have been marked down to poke the price tags onto the books. I don't want to touch stickers! Do you know what stickers do to fur?
Sunday, March 25, 2012
I was trying to snooze, and forget the plans the human has for finding an illustrator for those bear books when the bunnies came hopping in a bit ago. And, of course, they had a work assignment for me. The human has a notepad, tucked in a box somewhere containing one of the stories she wants illustrated, and it needs to be hunted down. I have been assigned the task of climbing up into the box pile, and doing this hunting! Normally, I would think that this would be a good job. I could hide amongst the boxes, and avoid the rabbits, but they have taken my food dish hostage! They say it will be returned when I climb back down with the notepad and not a second before!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
What would be the best way to sabotage the human's phone and email? She's planning to either call or email bright and early next week, to try to find that bear illustrator. There has got to be some way to prevent this. It will only lead to work for me, and encouragement for Betsy Bear, I am sure. One of the books the human wants illustrated is set at Halloween, and features candy. I'm sure appearing in such a work can only lead to more bad ideas for that bear. And do you know what is worse? When the human gets these things done, she is wanting to head for the birthplace of the bears, to show the books off to the Head Bear! Nothing good can come of that. And what if the Head Bear is impressed, and sends the human home with more siblings for me? I have to stop this!
Friday, March 23, 2012
What did I ever do to make the newspaper hate me? I'm sure they do for some reason but I can't think of a thing that I have done to them. You won't believe what they've done this time. Isn't it bad enough that they keep printing those awful obituaries and encouraging the growth of the human's family tree? Now they have really done it. They printed an article on an artist and his work, that has given the human what she is sure is the perfect idea for finding an illustrator for her bear books! And once she finds an illustrator, publication is just around the corner. And publication will lead to selling, which will lead to my being captured and forced to assist with selling! Oh, woe is me! She's hoping to have an illustrator worked out by the end of next week!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Tomorrow's nightmare is rapidly approaching. I trust everyone is prepared, and all stocked up so you can lock yourselves in your houses until the day is over. My rabbit siblings are hopping about, all excited, and asking every five seconds if it's time to go to the store yet. Those poor, poor stores. I can see it now. Tomorrow they will be swamped with rabbits, coming in to purchase their leader's film. I just hope that all the humans listened, and no one needs to do any shopping tomorrow, for they will never manage to reach a register. I'm sure the line of bunnies waiting to check out will make the lines a mile long, and that's if the human doesn't trip first over a rabbit racing for the film section. I'm just glad the humans here remembered to stockpile my food, so there's nothing I will need at the store tomorrow.bu
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The human dropped by the local donut shop today, and sampled one of the donuts produced by the bunnies' leader. She returned home talking about how yummy it was, and offered to take the bunnies to the shop so they could get some of the donuts themselves. Oh, and she talked about seeing the donut machines too, producing thousands upon thousands of the donuts for the bunnies' leader! Thousands of donuts, and that is at just ONE shop! One small shop too! I'm sure the huge business across from the human's doctor is turning out millions of the pastries! All of those donuts, plus the profits from his movie. All of that money in the paws of a rabbit will lead to nothing good! I don't want to think of the amount of seeds such money could obtain. We are doomed for sure if the head bunny uses his riches for such purchases!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
That weatherman just delights in making my life difficult. Wait until you hear his latest antic. Like I said yesterday, it's been nice and warm, so this afternoon the polar bears trotted outside to enjoy themselves. There are many pear trees around here, all in bloom with bunches of little white blossoms. Those blossoms were firmly on the trees until the bears stepped out, and then a wind came out of nowhere and sent the blossoms flying. It looked like a blizzard, and of course the polar bears ran back in shouting that the warmth was a trick and that it was snowing! They're camped on the human's bed again, determined not to leave until June! And it is all the weatherman's fault! That wind came from the direction of his little weather studio! He probably had giant fans set up or something to cause it so he could watch the panicked bears! I ought to sue! I was almost trampled when they came racing back in!
Monday, March 19, 2012
The human was feeling a bit unsteady on her ankle, so she didn't go out today to try to work on that editing. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. When I poked my head into her room this morning, she was snuggled in bed, with those polar bears, and there was whispering going on. I'm sure they were amusing themselves giving her more horrible ideas for those bunny books. The human does not NEED more bunny book ideas, and the polar bears have no business encouraging her. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can evict the lot of them from the bed? We're having a warm spell. They shouldn't be able to claim they're cold!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Monday isn't looking better than the weekend. Really, what did I do so wrong to deserve all of this torment? The human is thinking about trying to go somewhere on Monday, to finish the edits on that horrible bunny book, and to possibly work on the next book in the series as well. I wonder if I could hide her power cord? Finished edits will just lead to publication, and publication will just lead to the country and the food co-op for me. And to farmers' markets! I can't forget those horrible gatherings. Farmers' markets are discussed several times in those awful novels, so the human feels they would be lovely places to sell books. All of the vegetable exposure, though! And you know those bunnies are going to want to drag me along. They're even thinking about making me a special bunny-themed collar, so I will fit in better at these events!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
I was right about the weekend. The human took off bright and early this morning, to visit that horrible quilt show and book sale with the bunnies, polar bears and Betsy Bear along for the ride. There is now a giant box of book loitering up my table, and with, I am sure, annoying books, probably on work, inside. And then there is what the polar bears did at the quilt show. They returned home with a SACK of fabric! A sack! And a camera full of quilt pictures too, sure to give them ideas for projects, and the bunnies ideas for table decorations for book sale purposes. Oh, and on the way home, the polar bears passed a flock of sheep too, lounging in their pasture, all fluffy and wooly. So now there is sheep nudity visible from the public highway. As for Betsy Bear, I try not to think about what she might have done to those poor mountain bears while the humans and polar bears were in the quilt show. I'm sure she robbed them as usual, and probably reset their alarm clocks for half past May too. And then there is the buffet the humans stopped at on the way home. Betsy attacked the brownies there, or possibly robbed a Brownie for all of their cookies. I'm not to sure about the specifics. I don't really want to know the specifics. But she came home smelling of goodies, and licking chocolate off of her paws, so I'm sure some theft was involved. Really, what a rotten weekend!
Friday, March 16, 2012
I think I'm going to spend the weekend in hiding. Really, it's shaping up to be the stuff of nightmares and I suggest that all people lock yourselves in your homes until the horror is over. Not only is there a book sale this weekend, but the quilt festival is going on as well. The human is wanting to attend both, and of course the polar bears and bunnies want to go as well. The bunnies will find books on work, I'm sure of it, or more books on gardening, or worse, vegetable themed fabric to make decorations for book signings! And the polar bears, I think you can imagine what will happen, with them near so much fabric. Really, this is shaping up to be the disaster to end all disasters, and I hope someone will wake me when it's OVER!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Gardening season has started, and I'm afraid it has started big time too. The seed is out in the stores. The plants are out. Frighting amounts of both are out. Now the bunnies are hopping about,l worried that they have somehow fallen behind with gardening related matters, and that their leader will be disappointed in them. They have paper and pencil out, and are busily working on a little list to catch them up. And I don't like how much paper this list seems to be taking up, either. There is a frightening amount of talk going around about starting to poke seed into bags to get starts, possibly bright and early in the morning. In the morning! And how will I sleep, if those bunnies are starting seed, I would like to know!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
It's only a few more weeks until the head bunny comes hopping around to once more attempt to deliver baskets of goodies. Really, I don't know why he keeps trying, at least with the part involving the candy type goodies for children. All the candy does is attract Betsy Bear. Really, you would think he would know better by now. Does he like ending up dangling in the air by one paw or something? What really alarms me about this season, though, is what the head rabbit might bring to my bunny siblings. The human's surely going to have at least one edit, and possibly two done by the time he comes hopping down the bunny trail, which will put her frightfully close to publication. The head bunny has always rewarded the bunnies with nightmarish amounts of seeds for their gardening industry. Who knows what he might reward them with for getting a bunny book published! What if he brings them their own greenhouse?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I can't believe this. Now the bunnies' leader has gone into the DONUT business! The local donut shop as a big rabbit picture up, along with a sign advertising the new bunny donuts. They're covered with little sprinkles and frosting to make them look yummy, but I'm sure they're carrot flavored under all of that. Bunny donuts. What in the world was the donut shop thinking? Sure, the donuts will attract tons of rabbit eaters to their business, but how in the world will their human customers get in? And I'm sure the rabbits will spill their carrot juice all over while they're dunking donuts. Slip and falls will be rampant!
Monday, March 12, 2012
I knew it. I knew it was a bad idea to let those polar bears snooze with the human. Oh, the HORRORS! They've been chatting with the bunnies or something, I can only assume, and were promised a large basket of fabric, or perhaps new scissors for robbing sheep for Easter in exchange for what they have done. They whispered a new idea for a bunny story to the human! Oh, and the human thought it was an excellent idea too, for she's already taken it and mapped out the first few chapters. She might start writing on it, as soon as she gets her editing done. More bunny story ideas! I'm doomed! I swear, I ought to hop on the bed and drag those polar bears off by their short, stubby tails before they can cause me more trouble!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
The human is having an issue with her glasses, where she can't wear them for long without ending up with terrible pain in her ears. Needless to say, due to this, editing on those bunny novels has now been delayed! Happy day! And this glass issue sprang up right after the giant edit of a few days ago. Too bad it didn't happen a bit sooner, but anyway, there's no way that the problem can be linked back to me. There are tons of screwdrivers in this house that could have been used to adjust those glasses. The human can't check all of them for cat paw prints! So, until the glasses are fixed, and the human stops hurting, I am safe from the nightmarish bunny writing!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
If anyone has any shopping they need done, all I can suggest is that you do it now, and avoid all stores like the plague on the 23rd. I can only hope that all of the stores are insured for the impending disaster. Last year's horrible film starring the bunnies' leader is being released on DVD then, and it is sure to be a nightmare. My rabbit siblings are already making noise about going to camp out at the store, so they can get the first copy of the movie. I can see it now. The stores will be filled with rabbits, hopping everywhere! And Walmart is the worst of the lot, offering a special deal, undoubtedly to attract more bunny customers. The clown is probably part of this as well, hoping to get lots of bunny business since he has a ton of restaurants in Walmart. The bunnies will want refreshments while they're waiting for the movie boxes to be unpacked. The clown even has a new, green milkshake that I'm sure will attract rabbits. Really, isn't it bad enough that the clown is encouraging the bears to drop in and now the bunnies? All I can say is to stay in your houses, until the bunny shopping stampede is over!
Friday, March 9, 2012
I must call the police at once. I'm sure that Nick the Cat is to blame for this, and causing this much bad luck must violate more laws than I want to think about. The human got more work done on one of those bunny books today, and is almost through with a round of edits. She went to the bakery and amused herself camping out there all day and working. Really, for letting her hang around that place and work on such horror, I hope Betsy Bear robbed them of every cookie in the building. The human was pleased with what she accomplished, and how her editing speed started picking up as she got into things. Just perfect. She's hoping to work more and finish the edit tomorrow. And do you know what will happen once the editing is done? That will put her one step closer to publication! I will be one step closer to attending a book party with a CARROT theme! I'll be one step closer to being drug to the food co-op and to the country to help the bunnies sell the horrible novels! And the money! The money! You know the human will share it with the rabbits, and they're sure to use it for nothing but SEED! Where is the law when you need them?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
That clown is causing problems again. You won't believe this, but now he's having a sale on fillet o' fishes! That is the polar bears' favorite snack, and now they'll be able to get their paws on more of the things. Really, so many things have gone right for those bears lately. First the human lets them sleep with her, and now they're getting cheap snacks. It's horribly unfair. And with a good luck streak like this going, the bears will probably get a stack full of coupons for bear merchandise the next time they trot down for a meal.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The bed situation is even worse tonight. I am doomed. Maybe I should start looking for a pair of scissors, and a needle now, because I am sure I will be needing them for quilt construction soon. Now two of the cubs have joined their fellow cub and the adult polar bears on the human's bed, snuggled under the covers next to her. She's sleeping with FIVE polar bears! And you know they're going to take total advantage of the situation, and whisper in her ear about how much fun having a bunch of quilts would be. And if she was gullible enough to let the lot of them sleep with her, you know she'll listen to them about quilt assembly. Really, I can't believe this, but she's given those bears an entire half of the bed!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The polar bears' sleeping arrangements are getting worse. First it was that cub, who convinced the human to let him sleep with her, curled under two blankets, a quilt and a comforter. Needless to say, he was highly pleased with the arrangement, and this morning called out to the other polar bears around how warm and snuggly he was, tucked in on the bed. So now two of the grown polar bears are up there too, snuggled up, just waiting to snooze with the human. She's going to be sleeping with THREE polar bears! A disaster will result from this, I am sure of it! They'll be whispering horrible ideas about quilts to the human as she snoozes, and what if they convince her that I should be put to work on the quilt assembly line?
Monday, March 5, 2012
I was so distracted by the problems with the snow and the polar bears that I almost forgot my other weekend issue. The human dropped by the local homeless shelter this weekend, looking for a bag for that Kindle, likely for some archive trip, and another bear pounced on her, begging to move in. And, of course, being a gullible human, she agreed. So now I am up to 722 siblings. Really, has any other feline ever suffered with such a large family before?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
That horrible weatherman did send snow today. Really, I ought to call the law and have him persecuted for this. All that the snow manages to do is cause problems for me, problems that I'm sure I don't deserve. Now that large polar bear cub is causing more trouble, camping out on the human's bed, and making complaints about being horribly cold. Anyway, the human feels sorry for him, so she's let him snuggle up under the covers with her. A sure disaster will result from her sleeping with that bear. And what if he convinces her to let him stay there until spring?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Yes, the weatherman doesn't like me. I'm sure of it, now. You won't believe this, bdt now he's calling for snow! The polar bears are in a total panic, sure that they are about to end up cold Floor traffic has ground to a standstill as those bears ran about panicking. I was lucky not to be trampled before I could escape to the safety of the dryer! Really, that weatherman ought to be ashamed of himself, causing such a commotion, but all I hear is chuckles from his little weather station up the street as he gloats over the matter.
Friday, March 2, 2012
I think the weatherman has something against felines, or maybe just against me. As if it wasn't bad enough that he has spent all winter calling for snow and cold, and sending the polar bears into a panic, now he has sent storms up to the country! So the bunnies are wanting to get up bright and early in the morning, to go up and heck the cottage. First of all, I will be disturbed horribly by those rabbits hopping around so early. The weekend is my time to sleep in later than usual. Then there's the danger that they will want me to accompany them for this cottage checking. And even if they don't, I still sense danger. The human's bunny books are set up there, after all. What if a visit gives her more bad ideas?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
I'm doomed! The other human forgot to fill my dish before scurrying out the door this morning, and then the crippled human wasn't able to do it! I was forced to diet all day! Dieting, and worse, the bunnies kept hopping by, looking at my empty bowl, and asking if I was hungry. I know they were just dying to fill the bowl with a fat salad if I had so much as indicated that I wanted food, so I was forced to claim I was still full from a big supper the night before. I didn't think I would make it until the other human returned! And the crippled human is still in a good bit of pain from that ankle, so I doubt my chances of getting service tomorrow will have gone up. I don't think I can stand a second day of enforced dieting! I might have to give in and eat a vegetable!