Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Those horrible relations of Nick the Cat were almost dealt with this afternoon when one of the dogs next door left their nice fenced enclosure and went trotting over towards the house where those horrible bad luck causing felines have been loitering. And there is no proof I had anything to do with the pup's escape, or his recruitment to try to repel the bad luck either. Those claw marks on the fence lock could have came from anything, and I'm sure they aren't proof that I feline might have picked the lock. At least our neighbors can't prove it and demand a replacement lock. Unfortunately, before the pup could chase Nick the Cat's cousins into the next county, one of the annoying ones, not one that I would ever drop in on, his human spotted him and demanded he come home at once. So those rotten cats are still there. But there is always tomorrow. The humans have to go to work sometime!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The human's wart issue continues to annoy me. The annoying thing is still there, and the human has learned, after the walking she was forced to do, calling on the ill relation, that any activity aggravates it. I swear, I ought to turn the law loose on those lazy frogs, for causing this. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. They are total failures as frogs, and apparently they have something against the human too, although I can't imagine what. First, they didn't eat the mosquitoes, the only thing they were supposed to do in exchange for free rent, leading to the human being eaten alive and forced to take an anti-histamine, and now this. Really, if they were so all fired determined to afflict someone with warts, why didn't they get one of Nick the Cat's rotten relations?
Monday, August 29, 2011
Nick the Cat's relations have done it this time, and might I say that I am eagerly awaiting seeing them bopped about their ears with carrots, celery and any other vegetables the rabbits find within paw's reach when those cats come trotting by again? The bunnies were hopping about, checking the plants in the front yard today, only to find a shrub that is looking poorly. A few questions were asked, and they finally got the truth out of those dogs who live next door. It seems that Nick the Cat's cousin has been treating the bush like a litter box, amusing himself using it, causing damage, likely in an attempt to fool other felines into thinking this property is theirs! The nerve of that family! This is clearly MY property, and I resent their trying to say otherwise! I have half a mind to borrow a carrot from the bunnies, to bop them myself, should they show themselves again!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The mice have been amusing themselves reading Christmas stories starring their large cousins lately, and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. True, if they read about their relatives, I hope they'll want to visit them, and will write to them with this desire, and get us free bus tickets down, and lovely cheese meals for me. The fact the stories they're reading are Christmas ones, though, gives me pause. What if they decide they would like to visit their relatives for the holidays? That's over three months away! I don't want to wait that long for a cheese feast!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
I don't know what is taking my siblings so long, contacting their large rodent cousin, but really, they need to hurry up. We need to depart right away to visit him. Frankly, we ought to have left yesterday to visit him. Not only did the humans have to go visit that ill relation yesterday, with a possible return trip tomorrow or Monday, but that relation of a relation also managed to die. I'm sure he'll insist upon having a funeral too, which can only lead to great inconvenience for me. I'm sure the human will offer to dog and cat sit, and who knows if the dogs are the civilized sort or not? Their cat siblings have their own feline apartment, after all, so they might have failed to introduce their siblings to decent behavior. Yes, I definitely have to leave right away, before anyone gets the idea into their head that I should devote my time to possibly reforming any delinquents.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The penguins sent an email to their penguin friends in Florida today, wanting to see when they can come up for another gathering, only to hear back from the penguins that they are booked up for the next few weeks, attending weddings. Apparently some humans, humans I can assume are friendless, since they handed out wedding invitations to random birds, decided to invite them to their wedding. And not one but several humans did this! Have you ever heard of such foolishness? And, of course, now my penguin siblings are all fired up. They got the idea that they ought to attend weddings too, and are now composing an ad advertising the virtues of penguins, and offering themselves as attendants for weddings, siting their already tailor-made suits and tails and the classic timelessness of their black and white color scheme. They've even offered up their chicks for morning weddings, claiming with their grey feathers they're a perfect touch, and they're much better behaved than any human child. What in the world am I going to do if someone hires them? I know they won't share their fish pay with me!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The human got her injured foot looked at today, and the doctor concluded that the problem is due to a wart, right under her big toe. A wart! I'm sure those lazy frogs who are amusing themselves freeloading in the backyard are responsible for this. First the lazy things can't be bothered with controlling the mosquito population. They just amuse themselves swimming all day, without doing anything to improve the property, or without offering to pay a bit of rent. And now this. A wart! And with where it is, it is very painful for the human, and awkward to walk. The doctor is treating it, but in the meantime, it has to be bandaged to allow slight foot function. My service is going to be cut drastically until it is gone. Those frogs will pay for this! As soon as I can, I am going to have them served with a bill for back rent! And I might just find a way to cut their pool access too!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The human has somehow injured her foot, and this afternoon she decided to try some sort of special mineral soak to make it feel better. I highly approved of this when I heard. After all, a crippled, limping human is more likely to take the rabbits up on their offer to fill my food dish than one who can walk without pain. But then I saw what it said on the bag of minerals. They're good for PLANTS! Plant food! She's soaking her foot in PLANT FOOD! Oh, this is a disaster. And worse, the bag that the plant food came in is huge! When the bunnies get their paws on it, and I know they will, we are all doomed! It will do their plants a world of good, I am sure. Why couldn't the human find something harmless to tend her injury, and not a giant sack of plant food?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Between letting the mice lurk on the computer to read comic books, in order to get them all fired up to visit their cousin, I've been doing a bit of research. Did you know that this mouse has several restaurants that he amuses himself visiting, including one with his name on it? A restaurant named after a mouse. That has to mean that a ton of cheese is served there, don't you think? Perhaps they even serve nothing BUT cheese! And, since I'm going to be so nice, accompanying my little mouse siblings down to visit their relations, surely that large rodent will want to take me out to dinner, as a thank you. I just hope that I won't be forced to ride that train I've heard about to get there. With how fast I've heard those doors close, my tail might be endangered.
Monday, August 22, 2011
I am borrowing the cell phone right away, so that the mice can place a long distance call to their cousin, in order to get him to arrange their bus fare to his park. I must flee immediately, and it seems the only reasonable solution. Oh, Nick the Cat himself, the king of bad luck, must have personally dropped in to arrange this. Another of the human's relations has managed to take ill, and now there is much talk of heading up that way to check on this human. The place they're planning to head is the same place they visited back in January, the same place that nearly resulted in my conversion to vegetarianism when the humans didn't return as soon as planned and my food dish became empty along with the back-up dish and the back-up for the back-up dish. The bunnies are rubbing their paws together now, sure that my conversion is at hand. I have to get out while there's still time!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I've thought some more about the mice visiting their rodent relations in Florida, and I've came to realize something. With that mouse down there, making all of that money from his park, it doesn't seem fair for him to make a little kitty pay to take his cousins on a road trip to visit. Two of his cousins live here, and then a mouse who trotted over from China, who I'm sure is a distant relation. That would be only thirty dollars for seats each way. The mouse could certainly afford that, from what he makes selling those pairs of fake mouse ears alone. And, of course, my mouse siblings really wouldn't need three full seats. Two would be more than enough room for them, leaving a free seat for ME! I must demand they write their cousin right away to present this idea to him, before I go spending any of my hard begged money.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Oh, Dogs, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should hang your heads, droop your ears and fly your tails at half-mast. Really, how could you be this rotten? The human went uptown again today, and once more there were a ton of dogs, trotting around that horrible farmer's market, not doing a thing to prevent vegetable purchases. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the canines weren't even encouraging them by offering to help rabbits with their purchases, and toting baskets to vehicles. And dogs, as if that horrible behavior wasn't enough, there was a genealogy fest up there today, and did you raise a paw to prevent this horrible event? Oh, NO! You trotted around it, not causing a bit of trouble. I'm sure some of you even poked your noses into booths, looking for information on your family tree. You ought to be ashamed. The human has already added a new limb to that tree, and probably sold who knows how many books, thanks to that thing. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, you organized some sort of historical costume contest for visitors of the four legged variety! Only the fact that the bunnies couldn't find an appropriate outfit, due to Betsy refusing to share her bear sized weapons kept me from being forced to take part! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Does anyone have any suggestions for what I ought to pack for a visit to my mice siblings' relations down in Florida? I'm guessing they might find my toy mice offensive. I was thinking about tossing in the lizard on a string. Does anyone know if there are lizards employed by these rodents who might take offense? And should I take my set of mouse ears along? That mouse seems to insist that everyone who visits purchase a pair, after all. I would hate to be forced to buy a second set. And can you imagine how awkward two pairs would be to wear?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Does anyone have any ideas as to how to best pack a batch of mice into a suitcase? I've been looking up the price of travel to their relation's dwelling in Florida, should I hear that a funeral is in the offing. True, the price is very reasonable, ten dollars one way, I believe, plus a possible transfer charge, much cheaper than a night in jail, but still, it makes no sense at all to buy the mice their own seats, and it would be horribly cramped to have to share my seat with them. So, how would be best to pack them in my suitcase? I'm sure they would go along with it. I'll just tell them that the money saved can be used to buy trinkets at their cousin's park.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I have to do something right away, to get out of here. I wonder how long it will take for the mice to pack their wardrobe for a trip to visit their rodent relations in Florida? I'm sure we could catch the bus. I could even hide the mice in a suitcase, to save on the fare. I just know I have to get out of here right away. The human has a relative who has reported that one of her in-laws or possibly an outlaw happens to be in their deathbed. I'm sure a funeral is in the works, which can only lead to trouble for me. This human relation has a number of canine and feline offspring, and I heard the human saying something a bit ago about how they ought to offer to help her out by dog and cat sitting, while she's tending to the funeral mess. I am sure the cats would be fine, of course. They've even conned this human into building them their own feline apartment, after all. The dogs, on the other hand, I am not so sure about. What if they're like my other dog cousins, completely undisciplined canines? Of course, perhaps since they have cats for siblings, they're okay, but still, I'm not sure I want to take the chance. I think I better tell those mice to start packing for a trip right away.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The more I think about this situation, the more I see real benefits to me in allowing the mice to visit their relations, with me along for the ride. The rodents at the park in Florida tend to be extra large, almost human sized while my mouse siblings are more my size. I can see no other way those Florida mice could have reached such a size than by stuffing themselves silly with cheese at every opportunity. The park must be packed with it, I am sure. And when they see their little cousins, I'm sure they'll want to give them a ton of cheese, to encourage their growth as well, and of course, being decent siblings, they will share this cheese with me. Cheese, all I can eat, and I'll bet they have some of the best imported cheeses too, over at that place with the big ball. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. Yes, the mice should visit their relations right away. Maybe I'll go ahead and start packing, to encourage them to get a move on in planning a trip.
Monday, August 15, 2011
The human has sprained her shoulder, so they didn't go to the country today, like planned, thank goodness. I was slightly happy about that, but then the human got the idea to drop by the local mission. Apparently she wasn't up for doing work, but looking for work supplies for when she's feeling better is just fine. And you know what lurks around missions. I ended up with three more siblings, including a bear of the Christmas variety, who claims he wasn't really homeless but was dispatched early by Santa in an attempt to avoid Betsy Bear. I am now up to 698 siblings!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The mice are definitely up to something, but I'm not sure what I should do about it. I spotted them, with a letter from their relations in Florida, discussing the next mouse family gathering, and then I heard a mention of taking me along, to meet all of their rodent relations. Of course, if they did take me along, I would have to stay at the deluxe hotel for my kind that their mouse cousin has built. A deluxe hotel with all of the ice cream I could eat. And possibly cheesecake too. Mice love cheese, after all, so I'm sure there would be plenty of that around, and of course they would have to share it with their guest. Perhaps I ought to agree to attend this family reunion after all? I'm sure it will be much better than those hosted by the human's relations.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
I'm not sure how concerned I should be by this. My two mouse siblings, cousins to that large mouse who owns the park in Florida, have taken to lounging on the human's bed for the last few days. They claim they are just wanting to read the comics that the human has, with stories devoted to their relations, and I must admit there are a number of the books in the human's room, and on her computer, but still, I am suspicious. What if they're whispering in the human's ear as she's sleeping, urging her to take them to Florida for some sort of mouse family reunion? Times of gardening shows and vegetable cooking sessions are prime times for such gatherings, after all, and would only lead to rabbit encouragement. I must keep a close eye on those mice. I know they are up to something.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Despite my attempts to dodge it, and orders to the bunnies to reject any attempts by those horrible relations of Nick the Cat to drop of bad luck deliveries, the rotten luck made it through. The human dropped by the local Habitat for Humanity, likely in the company of a rabbit, and you won't believe what she came back with. Fabric! Books on Quilting! Books on WORK! I now have bunnies and polar bears busily reading, and I am sure plotting who knows how much trouble for me. I can't believe this. Bad luck repellent. I must invest in a large bottle of bad luck repellent right away.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
More bad luck is on the way. I think I will spend the day in bed tomorrow. Maybe if I don't move, Nick the Cat's relations won't be able to make their bad luck delivery. One of those felines was spotted a bit ago, strolling up to our poor neighbors' dwelling, likely to lounge on the porch and trap them inside their home for who knows how long. Having cats from that family in the area is never a good sign. They're probably plotting to cause a power failure, or arrange the delivery of family tree or rabbit encouragement. Anyway, I know that cat spells trouble. If only I could find some repellent, but then again, I would have to venture outside to spray it, which would only expose me to a bad luck delivery. Best to stay in here, and if that cat drops by, to order the bunnies to tell him that I am not home.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I have horrible news. One of the human's relations, one that is highly interested in that nightmarish tree, is in the area, and he's wanting to get together with the human, likely to discuss the horrible plant. Needless to say, the human is highly pleased, and worse, is sure that she'll be able to sell several of those family books to this relative when they meet. The bunnies have tried to reassure me, telling me that any money the human makes will go towards a nice portable hard drive, and not to pay her bus fare to Washington to do more research on the tree, but I am not reassured. The human needs that drive to make carrying around a bunch of her comics easier, and do you know who those comics star? That giant mouse, and his duck friend, the ones who have that park in Florida that the human is so fond of. I'm sure if she keeps reading his literature, it will only make her want to go there again, which will result in another jail visit for me. You know, I think I saw a letter in the mail from that mouse today, come to think of it. What if the human is already making plans to visit him?
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The rabbits continue to cause me problems. Now, thanks to them, and their turning my litter box into a public bathroom, complete with magazine rack full of reading materials, the grandhuman is looking at me suspiciously. For some reason, she thinks the litter isn't lasting as long as it used to, and she is now wondering what I am up to. There is much talk about potentially switching brands, moving the box or something else annoying for me. Really, I don't know why she doesn't see the obvious. The bag of litter is supposed to last 20 days to a month for one cat. However for one cat, multiple rabbits, pandas and whatever animals the bunnies see fit to let stroll in to do their business, we are lucky the stuff lasts even a day. The grandhuman should put the blame where it obviously rests, with the bunnies, instead of plotting ways to inconvenience me!
Monday, August 8, 2011
I must hold the movie theaters to blame for my impending suffering. I swear, I don't know what those places are thinking. Apparently they let rabbits hop in to catch films whenever they want, without charge. A bunny that caught the early showing of that Smurf movie yesterday, and who was hopping home to his burrow after the film when the humans and bunnies were headed to the theater dropped by today. He's been lounging in a chair in the back yard, munching carrots and chattering with my siblings, discussing how obviously this film is a sign that cats are supposed to work, and how something must be done with me right away to put me in a job. I don't know what I am going to do. The notion of employment as a magical portal tester is being tossed out now. Really, what sort of job security is there in that?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
The human went to the movies today, and let a batch of rabbits hop along. At first I was happy, since it got them out of the house and I knew their leader's film wasn't airing at the theater they were heading for. Then they came hopping home with the happy news that the movie they saw featured a CAT! And horror of horrors, they say this cat was working, employed as a Smurf-catcher! So now the bunnies have the idea in their heads that working is a natural thing for cats, and that something must be done about me immediately to establish me with gainful employment. I have tried to tell them that there isn't much of a future here in Smurf-catching, and that Belgian felines are more suited to that sort of work, with the number of little blue creatures littering their country, but I don't think they're listening. And they say I don't specifically have to do that job, but I should be doing some sort of work. They are even talking about checking the help wanted ads in the classified section, in hopes of arranging employment for me!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Dogs, what in the world are you thinking? The bunnies hopped to that farmers market with the human today, and they reported spotting canines everywhere. Businesses even had drinking fountains put out for them! Drinking fountains! What is next, all you can eat canine snack bars? And those dogs weren't doing a thing to discourage the vegetable fest either. They were probably encouraging it. Really, dogs, what were you thinking? All of those vegetables, and rabbits hopping around, probably getting their paws on nightmarish amounts of snacks and seeds, without your doing a thing to stop them! What were you thinking? And now, since the bunnies have seen how nice things are, and how happy all of the canines seem to be with the arrangements at the farmers market, they are sure that a feline will be just as happy, and are making arrangements to lag me along on their next visit! I hold every dog responsible for my pending vegetable exposure!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Well, the neighbor got carted away today, and I am very suspicious of the timing. This is the neighbor that is the rabbit collaborator, after all. He claims he had something called a heat stroke. Very suspicious timing, is what I say. It's probably part of some plot to make the humans harvest vegetables for him, or make them weed or something by faking an illness. I know those rabbits presented him with a hat, although, come to think of it, it was a rabbit like hat, with holes for ears, that might have rendered it slightly inappropriate for humans, but still.... I am sure it is all part of some plot, and I am very afraid of the gardening horrors that will result from this plot.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I wonder if there's a way I can sabotage things to keep the human awake on a permanent basis? She was snoozing a bit ago, and oh, you won't believe the horror that she dreamed up. The church is planning to have some sort of sale to raise funds for an air conditioner, to replace the one that Nick that Cat likely sabotaged. Anyway, the human dreamed up the notion of getting a bunch of churches together, to do a giant, city wide sale as a way to get much publicity and money. She's planning to call someone bright and early in the morning, to present this idea, and hopefully get the ball rolling. Doomed, I am doomed. Homeless creatures always loiter around these events, undoubtedly attracted by the hot dogs and deserts served there. And they always pounce on my human the second she walks in the door. A massive event like this might draw the homeless from all over the state! Who knows how many siblings I might end up with, should the human pull this off!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I have to find a good hiding place. I have two full days. I can only hope that will be enough. I spotted a bunny a bit ago, with paper and pen, taking notes for their weekend plans. Not only are they hoping to visit that farmer's market, but they are making plans for visiting the country cottage as well. I even heard them discussing hopping by another farmer's market on the way, should they get to go up there. And they have an entire list, once more filled with work that they are going to try to draft me into assisting with. I know that I saw a couple of them getting my leash. What in the world am I going to do? And if they capture me, what if they force me to attend the farmer's market with them before dragging me off to work. They have been commenting about how they see dogs attending these events all the time, so they are sure felines are welcome as well. All of that vegetable exposure! Does anyone know if being exposed to massive amounts of vegetables can lead to the development of vegetarian tendencies, even if you don't eat them?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I just heard something very alarming, very alarming indeed. The human is talking about going up to the farmer's market this weekend, to do a bit of looking around. And you know, if she goes there, those rabbits will hop along with her, to get snacks, and probably alarming amounts of seed, too. Really, I would almost prefer that the human go back to that waterpark place to renew her lobster coloration to going to a farmer's marker. I can just imagine the trouble that place will cause now, and probably afterwards the bunnies will want to hop off to the country too, just to plan some work for me, to make the horrors of the weekend complete!
Monday, August 1, 2011
There is a broken power pole down the street, just waiting for one of Nick the Cat's kind to hit it with a bit of bad luck and cause it to topple, I am sure. It probably wouldn't even take much application of bad luck at all to knock it over, it is that damaged. And our esteemed power department, as a solution for this, have attached this pole to an undamaged pole with something that resembles a plastic twist tie. They probably got it from some rabbit, who had got it from a giant loaf of bread for a tea party. Anyway, when this power pole topples, it is sure to do in the power to our neighborhood again. That isn't the worst part, though. The worst part is that I heard Lobster, chatting the other day with the human who has the canine offspring, discussing fleeing to her dwelling should the power fail, fleeing and taking ME along for the ride! I will be forced to spend time with my canine cousins! I have nothing against dogs, let me assure any canine readers right now, but those two.... I would never get a moment's peace, I am sure, and I don't know how I would manage to get online to blog while coping with them. I'm sure they're the sorts who spend all day online playing doggish games on various websites, and hunting for canine related amusements online. What in the world am I going to do if the human is serious about going out there?