Monday, February 28, 2011
The floodwaters are slowly receding, after the disaster the bunnies caused this afternoon, and so far it looks like our poor neighbors still have a home. Some people down the street are missing a large amount of bamboo that was growing in their yard, though. I can only hope that they continue to believe that the flood got it, and don't figure out that my panda siblings trotted down and snatched it all, while there was a flood going on to blame for its disappearance. Really, my siblings, especially the rabbits, ought to be totally ashamed of themselves!
If anyone asks, I was on here, chatting with my loyal readers, and certainly had nothing to do with the bunnies' latest rain dance, and the disaster that those rabbits have created this time. They were dancing, and they must have shook their tails a bit too much or something, because a flood is fast threatening our neighbor's house! Or maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe it was part of some sort of bunny plot. If our neighbor's house was washed away, it would open up tons of gardening space for them in a few weeks! I'll bet anything that's what the little pests are up to! Well, I want it known right now that I was here, and can't be held responsible!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I swear, Amazon is the most evil business that I have ever heard of. Really, they should be so ashamed of themselves. I was checking the human's purchase history there a bit ago, to make sure that no more reunion books had been purchased, when I found something that is almost worse! She just placed an order for a book called How to Wash a CAT!! I'm a cat! Why in the world is she purchasing an instructional manual on how to ruin my nice fur with soap and water? This is terrible! Isn't it bad enough that I am tormented with reunion materials and rabbits? And now there is a close encounter with water looming in my future, I'm sure.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
As if the human's book purchases weren't bad enough, she just got a message from Cousin Louise's granddaughter, like she was sure that she would, over the weekend. Just wonderful. And this relative is going to put her in touch with another relative, I fear one on Cousin Earl's limb of that awful tree. This is terrible. Just terrible. I know the human is going to end up inviting the lot of them to come to the family reunion. I just know it. I will end up having to pack a million goodie bags! My poor paws!
I must find a way to bring suit against Amazon right away. You will not believe this, but I was checking out their site a bit ago, and when I hit the order history, to make sure the rabbits hadn't snuck in any purchases, I found that Amazon allowed the human to purchase two books on planning FAMILY REUNIONS! TWO BOOKS! Does this business have no shame whatsoever? Do you know the number of horrible ideas that two books on reunion planning are sure to give the human? I must file a suit right away. Goodness knows what they could do next, if they are capable of doing something as foolish as that. Who knows, they will probably try to sell gardening books to the rabbits next.
Friday, February 25, 2011
The human hasn't heard from that granddaughter of Cousin Louise again, although she's sure that she will hear something over the weekend. And what in the world am I going to do, if what she hears over the weekend results in an invitation to attend the family reunion being issued? The rabbits are already looking in catalogs, trying to pick out the best carrots to use to poke me during goodie bag stuffing, and I don't like the look of the points on some of those vegetables!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I must find a lawyer right away to sue the state of Arizona. It seems like everyone else is suing them, after all, but I'm sure that all of those humans don't have nearly as good of a case as I do. Would you believe that foolish state has posted death certificates online? And, of course, the human had a relation who managed to die in Arizona, which means she trotted over to the free site right away to download his death certificate and to collect all the information that she could. Really, that state should be ashamed of itself, and if those feline lawyers that I know ever get finished taking the national parks to court, I know I will be due a large settlement!
Oh, this just keeps getting worse. The human sent a message to Cousin Louise's granddaughter, and she's already heard back, and sent a reply in response. The rabbits are checking out the human's list of people who need bags right now, and debating if they should go ahead and add these relations or not. I am doomed. Cousin Louise's family will only lead to Cousin Earl's relations, and then possibly to Cousin Frances and Cousin Margaret too. I will be stuffing bags forever!
Oh, no! It's getting worse! As if it isn't bad enough when the human finds dead relative, now she has found a potential living one! It looks as if Cousin Louise is still alive, and worse yet, she has a ton of family photos, which likely means she has other, nightmarish family information! So now, the human is happily amusing herself hunting this relation down. What in the world am I going to do if she finds her? It will surely lead to her being issued a reunion invitation, and thus to more stuffing work for me!
Oh, someone, HELP!! I just realized something nightmarish! The human is amusing herself looking up cousins on Facebook, and messaging them to request information. Well, I'm sure that the family reunion will be mentioned to them at some point, so what if she decides to invite them? Then, they will obviously need goodie bags, which will mean the human will have to obtain more bag construction materials. And then, I, will in turn be expected to assist with stuffing these bags! Isn't it bad enough that currently almost a hundred bags are planned? Who knows how many more might be necessary if the human decides to drag in some of these new relations? I will be working forever, likely being poked with carrots by the rabbits the entire time, with demands that I stuff bags faster!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I ought to sue Walmart. I really should, although, seeing as one of the human's cousins has large amounts of stock in the place, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they seem to spend every waking hour, and a few hours when decent people should be sleeping, plotting to assist the human in increasing amounts of horror. The human was thrilled to find a giant sale there today, and she came trotting home with alarming amounts of mazes, more kaleidoscopes, and these little heart shaped boxes, suitable for holding candy. Which, of course, indicates more candy might be purchased soon. Betsy Bear is already getting extra snitching sacks, in anticipation of robberies to come, due to the increase in child bait. Will these horrors never end?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I was so distracted by that bear that came trotting in that I almost missed the true horrors of the evening. I'll bet that's why she was petting me so nicely, too, to try to distract me! I should have known that a bear released from the mission had to be up to something. Oh, this is terrible! Cousin Evelyn is DEAD! And of course, she couldn't die quietly, without fanfare, now could she? She had to leave a nice, detailed obituary, which the human was able to use to hunt down her SURVIVORS on Facebook! As soon as the funeral is over tomorrow, she's going to send out friend requests. Oh, we are all doomed. This is sure to lead to nightmarish growth of that tree, and probably a ton of falling nuts, too. Cousin Evelyn should be ashamed of herself!
Well, the mission let another one out. I know that place is supposed to help the homeless, but really, do they have to help them by arranging for them to move in here? The human dropped by there this afternoon, after a visit to the doctor, and of course a bear pounced, and begged to move in. I am now up to 669 siblings. My one comfort about this bear is that at least she knows to pet with the grain of my fur, not against it.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sniff, sniff, sniff. I thought today would be marginally safer, with those lazy mailmen taking the day off. I really did. No mail at least meant that the human wouldn't get any horrible reunion materials that way, or at least I thought it meant that. Little did I know that those people in the little brown trucks were still trotting around, and one of them dropped by here with a giant envelope of materials from the local aquarium, with enough brochures and coupons for every bag! This aquarium has just opened a new penguin area! Needless to say, my penguin siblings were thrilled to see the brochures, and now they are lounging by the rabbits, hard at work on party invitations. They figure while the humans are having their parties, they will just invite all of these penguins down for a little pool party. Just perfect. Not only will I have to deal with the human's reunion in a few months, that will undoubtedly encourage nightmarish growth of that tree, but I'll have to put up with the penguins, taking over the pool and partying forever! Do you know how much noise a penguin party creates?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Oh, and speaking of the goodie horrors, I just learned that a DOG was present in the store when the human was gathering these things. A dog was present, and the canine in question didn't do a single thing to prevent the growing goodie horrors! Really, this pup ought to be ashamed of himself. Is this because of those comments I made when I was poked in the doghouse? Because, really, you canines can't hold that against me at all. I'm sure your doghouses are lovely places, and I might like one too, if I wasn't being forced in there, and made to stay there by a batch of delinquent rabbits. There is no need to punish me by assisting with the goodie horrors!
I am very sorry to say that the goodie horrors are growing. The human went trotting out today, I suspect in the company of rabbits, and came back lagging numerous large bags. Here's the result: more erasers, tops, pens, rings and soft balls, slinkies, rubber bouncy balls, something called jumpy hearts, stampers, stretchy figures and bug tattoos. And, in an even worse move, she lagged home five large boxes of candy to go in these bags! Candy! Candy is child bait for Betsy Bear! What was the human thinking? Do you know how many children five boxes of candy could lure in for Betsy to torment? Can I be declared an accessory to that bear's crimes, should the rabbits go through with their threats to make me work on packing these bags?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The horrors that are those planned goodie bags are growing, I am very sorry to announce. I suggest you send all small children away from the computer now, before they can see what these horrors contain and become frightened. Either that, or before they can decide they want a bag too, and demand to attend this horrible reunion event. The bunnies have a list of materials for the bag, and the amount of stuff so far is truly terrifying. This is what is going into the bags so far: bubbles, card games, bright gel pens, play dough, cars for boys and rings for girls, frisbees, yo-yos, paddle balls, multiple pencils, kaleidoscopes, several erasers, stencils, tops, balls, mazes, puzzles, crayons and coloring books. Then there are fancy soaps and lip glosses so far for the teens. I don't want to think of what there is for the adults. And I don't like the rabbits' little list either. I know that my name is on there somewhere, probably next to one or more goodie items, that they will be expecting me to pack into the bags come reunion time!
Friday, February 18, 2011
A horror that I almost fear to mention arrived in the mail bright and early this morning. The Department of Rabbitculture (aka The Department of Agriculture) shipped another plant start down to my delinquent bunny siblings. It's something called an evening primrose, and according to the page I found when I researched its dangers, it is a thug like plant. I can only assume that bodes ill for our neighbors and their continuing occupation of their homes, come spring.
Really, I have got to find bunnyproofing for this computer. Surely some company offers such a service. I can't even take five minutes to check my food dish out without a rabbit hopping on here. Please ignore the last post. Normally, I would whole-heartedly support anything that might keep Betsy tied up, and out of my fur, but I don't think this is going to work out that way. That bear started chuckling evilly when she heard of the suit, and promptly placed an order for more snitching sacks. I'm afraid she has plans to send her attorney to court to represent her, while she raids those poor bears' dens since she can be sure they won't be home. I don't want to imagine how much honey they will loose as a result of this suit.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Hi, it's Bebe here again to ask for some help. We bunnies are assisting the firm of Katt, Katt and Katt with a little legal matter. They're representing a group of bears that live up in the mountains, and who have been victimized by our delinquent bear sister, Betsy. Anyway, we promised them that we would ask around and try to find some people who can testify as to the poor management on the part of the rangers. They are sure that such a sloppy job counts as negligence, and failure to protect. Every time we've visited, there have been numerous signs up warning against feeding the poor, hard working bears of the park, but there hasn't been a thing warning against Betsy. Did you know, she's even strolled into their welcome center and done things that were totally unwelcome, and yet the rangers didn't do a thing to stop her? With such poor management, is it any wonder that she's victimized those poor bears as much as she has? Katt, Katt and Katt are sure that they will be able to get a large settlement for these needy bears for loss of honey, hibernation harrassment, and the general pain and suffering of having to deal with Betsy, but they need more witnesses. So, if you've visited a park, and have noticed the lack of appropriate Betsy Bear precautions being taken, contact us today!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was in hiding, in case the authorities came looking for Betsy Bear in connection to those mass thefts of Valentine's Day foods. I guess all of the weddings she raided had insurance, though, and the couples who had hearts stolen were probably looking for a good reason to break up anyway, for it seems that her crimes have gone unreported once again. Now if people would just remove the remains of their stolen food from the backyard so we can all forget about this, it would be much appreciated. I don't like the way the bunnies keep checking out those cake stands and cake tier holders, and commenting on how they would be just perfect to stack plant pots on, so for goodness sakes, if Betsy snitched and ate your wedding cake, get here and collect the remains before they give the bunnies more bad ideas!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Well, I don't have a new sibling yet, although the bunnies keep pointing out to me that the night is still young, and Amazon is happy to provide new family members. I can only hope they do not decide to take in an elephant from there. After the horrors I have experienced today, that is the last thing that I need. Betsy was out in full force today, celebrating the day of love by looting. I do hope no one wanted to experience romance with food on this happy occasion, for if you did, you are doomed to a massive disappointment. Betsy took to the air in that purloined sled, and I'm not entirely sure what she did, and I'm not sure it's safe to know, but there are now feathers in the swimming pool, and that delinquent bear has a bow and arrows in her possession. I can only assume that she attacked Cupid for all of his heart shaped boxes of chocolate. Should your sweetheart have made the claim that one of those was purchased for you, and then went missing, please see the rabbits tomorrow to remove the remains from the backyard. Oh, and should you have been trying to get married today, well, really you ought to have known better, shouldn't you? Everyone knows that the wedding chapels do a brisk business today, and Betsy has made careful note of all of them. You can collect your cake toppers in the morning. Please line up to the left of the people collecting the remains of the boxes of chocolate.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I'm still in the doghouse, I'm afraid, over that minor human injury thing. The only reason I was able to get on was that those bunnies got distracted, looking at stuff, and making notes for things to poke in those horrible goodie bags. Really, how long are they going to demand that I'm punished, anyway? Isn't what is likely going to happen tomorrow bad enough? The human is having more issues with her glases, and will likely need to visit the store again. Every time she goes to that horrible business, I end up with more siblings! Who knows what horrible increases in family size might await me tomorrow.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
What was our brother doing on here? Really, he ought to be ashamed of himself. He is in the doghouse, and is not allowed online. If anyone sees him posting on here, could you email us right away to let us know? He's been a seriously bad kitty, first maiming a human like he did, and then with the poor excuse for a salad he produced to try to distract us. He didn't bother to provide dressing, and we know that he munched down all of the cheese toppings before he handed it over.
I'm afraid I'm in the doghouse, and might I say, I really don't know how any canines reading this stand the place? So cramped, and I'm sure there are fleas lurking about. The humans insisted, though, after a minor incident. Really, they're making way to much of a big deal over it. How was I to know that a human could possibly bleed that much if a claw grazed them in the wrong location? Really, it wasn't my fault at all, but the humans are kicking up a terrible fuss over the situation, so in the doghouse is where I am, and those rabbits are keeping an eye on me to make sure I stay there. I had to distract them with a salad so I could get on.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Well, the mission let another animal escape. The human dropped by there as I feared she would, after getting her glasses fixed, and of course an animal pounced on her the second she stepped in the door, demanding to be allowed to move in. At least this one was a bear, not a bunny. That is the only slightly positive thing I can see in the situation at the moment. I now have 668 siblings.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I can't believe this. I turned my back for a second, and what happens but that rabbit hops on and messes up my blog with a post about those horrible seed labels. I really have got to find some sort of bunnyproofing to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Please dis-reguard that rabbit's post. The bunnies don't need anyone posting suggestions that will only encourage them.
Hey, it's Bebe Bunny here again. Our brother's busy moaning about the human going to the glass store in the morning, and the potential for such a trip to result in more siblings. Really, he ought to be a bit less selfish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her helping out the homeless like she does. Anyway, while he's fussing, I thought I would pop on and let you know that we've designed our little seed labels. Now all that's left to do is to print them out, but that's where we've run into a problem. We aren't sure what color of paper to use. We were wanting to use orange, but then it occurred to us that it might be harder to get that color of paper, so now we're stuck. If anyone has any suggestions for an appropriate paper color for our cute little seed labels, please click the comment button and let us know. Thanks!
I can only hope that someone will have pity on me, in the face of the disaster that might be coming my way tomorrow. The human is having issues with her glasses, and thinks she needs to go back to the glass store. And, as I posted on Monday, thanks to the wait she had the last time that she was there, I ended up with six new siblings! What if this visit results in more? What if it results in the arrival of more rabbits? Our neighbors are not insured for more rabbits!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Does anyone have any suggestions for the best way to find an attorney to bring a suit against a cousin? All of the feline ones that I know are occupied at the moment, filing suits on the behalf of various bears against the park service for failure to protect them from Betsy Bear. If you have visited a national park, be prepared to be called to court soon. Anyway, I'm sure I have an excellent case against Cousin Stella, who had the nerve to die a few days ago, and then had the nerve to have a detailed obituary, with a list of numerous survivors, published in the local newspaper! Needless to say, the human was very pleased to see this, and is, I fear, making notes from the obituary to add alarming amounts of limbs to that tree of hers. Really, Cousin Stella should be ashamed, and I am sure that I am due a large settlement, due to the trauma she has caused by encouraging tree growth!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Does anyone know how I can install bunnyproofing on the computer? The rabbits found a really good deal on little seed envelopes for the human's reunion goodie bags, and now they are bugging me to get off, so they can go online and work out labels for the seed. Naturally, I want to put a stop to this before they can get started. Labeling seed can only lead to them obtaining more seed, after all. So, how can I control them? I'm afraid passwords don't work. There are so many rabbits hopping around all the time that at least one will likely see me entering it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The humans didn't go to the country today, which means the cows have at least a few more days before they are in terrible trouble with their farmer. My human had broke her glasses, and had to trot down to the glass store this morning to get them replaced. That wasn't the major problem, though. The problem was that there was a considerable wait, and you won't believe what the human did. She dropped by the local mission, and was promptly pounced on by a batch of homeless animals, who begged to come home with her. I am very sorry to say that I now have 667 siblings, including a new bunny sibling. And frankly, I am very alarmed about that rabbit. It is dressed in a little boxing outfit, including gloves. The rabbits are dangerous enough when armed with carrots. What am I going to do if there is a professional fighter bunny in the house? Really, the mission ought to be ashamed of themselves, letting so many animals escape!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The humans took a little trip to the country today, to check on the country cottage, and of course, Betsy Bear trotted along to torment those poor bears who have the misfortune to have their den near the lake. I just hope they thought to invest heavily in honey insurance before they settled down to snooze back in the fall. Betsy's crimes aren't the worst result of this visit, though. While she was up there, looting and pillaging, she happened to spot several herds of cows, and noted all of the manure in their pastures. And, of course, once she got home, she shared this news with the rabbits in exchange for a suitable honey bribe. The bunnies were absolutely thrilled, and now they are hopping everywhere, gathering rakes, shovels and sacks, and making plans to ride along with the humans when they go back tomorrow to check out a possibly damaged shingle, so that they can offer to clean up the cows' dwelling for them. They're sure the cows will be thrilled to let them help out, and the manure will be wonderful for their garden. Really, those rabbits ought to be ashamed. What are the cows going to do, when their farmer comes along, looking to collect that manure to sell, and it is all gone? How in the world will they ever explain that they were bad cows, and handed it over to a batch of bunnies? The cows will be in a ton of trouble, and it will all be those rabbits' fault!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I'm very sorry to announce that the human's work on those horrible goodie bags is proceeding well. She came home today toting giant amounts of brochures and coupons to be poked in there, and she has plans to look for more in the next day or so. That many coupons and discounts are sure to attract plenty of relations to that horrible reunion, and even worse, it will keep them hanging around longer, which will only give them more time to contribute to the growth of that horrible family tree. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to prevent this? There is way too much paper to eat.g
Friday, February 4, 2011
During my research on the horror that is the Year of the Rabbit, you won't believe what I found out. There is a year devoted to sheep, too. Those poor, poor sheep. Normally, you would think having a year devoted to you would be a great thing, but I know my polar bear sisters all too well, The second those poor sheep get together to try to celebrate their year, the polar bears will tackle them with scissors for sheering. They will spend the entire year as nudists! Poor sheep. Does anyone know the best way for them to let the Chinese know that they appreciate the thought, but they need to trade this year for something else, possibly sweaters, if the polar bears have their way?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Well, the Year of the Rabbit just started, and what a horrible start it is of to, too. There were a bunch of rabbits hopping around the backyard all day today, celebrating and helping my bunny siblings poke out stakes to mark where they want to install the garden as soon as they're able to start digging again, probably after that storm the groundhogs arranged passes over the weekend. At the current rate the bunnies are staking things, the only space that won't be part of their garden soon is the concrete around the swimming pool and they're thinking of making large planters out of kiddie swimming pools to take up some of that space. The Year of the Rabbit is off to a nightmarish start!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The groundhogs would like me to see if all of you are enjoying the nice storm they arranged in honor of Groundhog's Day, today. I told them that it was probably a bit much, but for some reason the little fluffy things were sure that you would all just love a few feet of snow, to trap you in your homes so you will have plenty of time to consider the wonder that is the groundhog. Really, what loon came up with the idea of giving the groundhogs their own holiday, anyway? Was it the same person who thought up that Year of the Rabbit thing?