Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Cripple Report

The human is still crippled, and stuck with ice on her various injuries. Service has declined drastically around here too. I was forced to go over eight hours without someone to wait on me, while the other, uninjured human was at work. Really, there ought to be a law about something like that. I suppose I was lucky in some ways, though. At least the bunnies all seem to be focused on the human for the moment and are lurking in her room with offers of replenishing ice and everything. I was sure they would use this as a chance to offer to take over filling my dish, and attempting to convert me once more.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Short Post

I'm afraid tonight's post will be short. The human managed to end up crippled once more, after a fall at the local BBQ restaurant. She's currently in bed, with ice on knee and ankle and with a polar bear curled up beside her. And, to make matters worse, the doctor she limped to gave her a medication that causes drowsiness! That polar bear will be able to snooze undisturbed for who knows how long! And who is going to serve me with the human crippled, that's what I want to know!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Polar Bear Napping

Oh, this is getting worse. First it was that bunny snoozing with the human and then when I strolled in a bit ago, you won't believe what I saw. There she was, snuggled under the covers, and what was poking out but a round, white ear! I crept closer, and to my horror found that the ear was attached to a polar bear! Now she's sleeping with them too! Nothing good can come of this. They'll probably whisper instructions for obtaining fabric and who knows what else in her ear as she sleeps! Quilt construction will skyrocket! Sheep nudity will be at a all time high!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Ruining Cheese

Those bunnies are stepping up their campaign to convert me to a vegetarian, probably thinking that then they will be able to trot me out at book signings, and get attention for having converted an innocent feline to a life of vegetables. Today they almost ruined perfectly good cheese as part of their plot. They sprinkled it on a carrot, knowing how fond I am of cheese, and thinking that I would gulp the carrot down by accident! Luckily I was able to pluck the cheese off without being forced to swallow a vegetable. It did have a bit of a carrot taste to it, though. Horrible!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Happy Bear Meals

The remains of Happy Bear Meals are all over the house. I can't believe the bears actually got their paws on so many of the things already. They have a giant stack of coupons for various bear merchandise, and they're planning a shopping spree for little clothes and other things, that I'm sure will only result in trouble for me. I'm not sure how it will cause trouble for me just yet, but I know it will. I hope that rotten clown is ashamed of himself for this. And did you know that the only thing they've offered me so far is one slightly burnt fry!

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Clown

You won't believe what that horrible clown who runs the restaurants the polar bears like to visit has done. I'm sure it can be held against him in a court of law. That clown has produced meals for bears and is selling them! Happy Bear Meals, with a coupon for bear related merchandise as the enclosed prize! First feeding them, and then providing encouragement to shop! What in that clown thinking? I ought to turn the Hamburgler loose on him for this. Now the bears are making plans to all trot down there right away for a meal! And they're even thinking about lagging me along, to help eat and get more coupons for goodies! Dining with bears. I will never live it down, and to make matters worse, fish is not one of the menu options for the Happy Bear Meals. I will see that clown in court for this! I will sue him for every pair of floppy shoes that he has!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Quilt Doom

I knew that book the bunnies borrowed would be nothing but trouble. I just knew it. Now those polar bears are plotting to sneak out in the morning, in search of fabric to construct a cat quilt with! They were even talking about taking me with them, to better select fabrics that matched my fur, and I know I saw one of the cubs with my leash. I think they finally gave it up though, when they couldn't think of a way to poke me into the human's bookbag, thank goodness! If I had been forced to go out, they would have me sitting on bolts of fabric all day! Way too much fabric exposure, and what if a sheep had spotted me? Sooner or later, those creatures are going to find a lawyer to sue for their wool loss, and if I was seen in the fabric department, I'm sure they would decide I was an accessory to said wool theft. As it is, I'll be lucky if the cat quilt itself doesn't get me declared an accessory. I wonder if I could hide the thread box, to delay construction?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Lousy Library

I must sue the library right away! Oh, you won't believe the book they let those rabbits get their paws on this time! Really, don't those people supervise the borrowing of materials at all? This is worse than the gardening books! Now the bunnies are borrowing books for the polar bears, and horror of horrors, they borrowed a book on the construction of cat themed quilts! Cat quilts! Oh, no good can come of this! Cat quilts and I am a cat! The polar bears are sure to take this as a sign that I should be put to work on constructing said quilts right away!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Must Sue

I really must sue at once, although I'm not sure if I should sue the relation in question or the local paper. Yet another of the human's annoying relations has amused themselves dying, and even worse, the paper has amused itself publishing this human's obituary! Obituaries only lead to the growth of that tree, something that is absolutely not needed. Really, the paper should be ashamed, and I ought to persecute them and the relative's survivors to the full extent of the law for endangering us all by encouraging that awful tree!

Monday, February 20, 2012


The bunnies are continuing with their party planning. Woe is me! And now they are making plans to draft me into assisting with this! One of them hopped around a bit ago and gave me my first assignment, helping to construct stands to hold various vegetable foodstuffs. Some magazine they found on that Kindle showed how to do it, and now they're all eager to try. Really, I can't believe this! Stand construction calls for glue! I will get it all over my fur, and then how will I get it off, I would like to know!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Book Party

Things with that book continue on their disasterous pace. Now the rabbits are talking about having a party when the human gets the horrible bunny novels published, to celebrate. They've already started to plan the menu! Carrot cake, candied carrots, carrots with dip, carrot soup, pretty much an entire menu featuring nothing but CARROTS! They're planning to stock up on bunny themed decorations too, when the season devoted to their leader rolls around and the stores fill up with such items. And, to make it all a complete horror, they have already informed me that they expect ME to attend this party! And what in the world will I eat at this party, with an all vegetable menu, I would like to know? I'm sure it's all a plot to try to convert me!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Weekend is Worse

This weekend is going worse than expected. The humans haven't visited the cottage yet, true, but with where they have gone so far, I almost wish they had gone there, and had ended up trapped by snow. First the humans went out for breakfast, and of course a rabbit stowed away in the human's bookbag. Honestly, I try to prevent this, but with the number of bunny siblings I have, it seems like one always manages to leap in there at the last second. Breakfast went okay, but then the human got the idea to go by the food co-op for more beauty products, and of course the bunny hopped in too. She had a large sack of corn seed, bigger than the sack the polar bear brought back a few days ago, with her when she returned. Our entire state is doomed if all of those seed are planted. People will be wandering lost in a corn maze forever! And, as if the seed wasn't bad enough, then the human went by the flea market, and would you believe she found someone there to provide info for those bunny novels? I'm sure nothing good can come of that. It will probably encourage her to work faster, which can only lead to my being drug off to the country to help sell!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Weekend Woes

This weekend is shaping up to be a potential nightmare. I heard the humans a bit ago talking about going to the country cottage to check on a few things. It is supposed to SNOW this weekend! What if they do go there and get stuck? Okay, some of the bunnies are sure to hop along with the humans, and will be trapped as well, but I'm sure at least a few rabbits will stay at home. And if the humans get snowbound, those bunnies will immediately pounce on my food bowl, and will try to convert me to their vegetarian lifestyle! Perhaps I ought to risk stowing away with the humans? Although heaven knows the food probably wouldn't be much better in the country.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Valentine's Day Apologies

It's a bit late but I would like to apologize for the Valentine's Day incident, although I really don't know why in the world you people keep trying to celebrate this holiday. Cupid is sure to sue you for endangering him, by making him fly about with Betsy Bear on a rampage. Anyway, Betsy has declared Valentine's Day a total success once again. If you're missing a candy filled heart, the remains are in the back yard, the same place as last year. Please remove them quickly before the bunnies come up with some idea for using them for gardening. And as for those of you who were foolish enough to get married yesterday, and there were a lot of you from what the television showed, honestly, you were just asking for what happened, now weren't you? Anyway, I do hope you didn't rent your cake stands, because the bunnies have already claimed them to hold plants. As for your toppers, the bunnies prefer gnomes for the garden, so come and collect them quickly before they start to remodel on them. Really, maybe next year you people will finally learn, and will spend the day hiding in your houses, so Betsy can't rob you blind.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Just Realized Something

I just realized something. All of my bad luck lately are things that could be considered good luck for the rabbits. That made me suspicious, so I did a bit of double-checking, and had my worst fears concerned. Nick the Cat appears in those dreadful bunny books! Honestly, I had almost forgotten about it, and since he appears as a villain, it didn't seem important, but apparently it is. And he is a black cat. Appearing as a literary villain is probably considered a high achievement for his kind or something. So he is undoubtedly putting his bad luck causing powers towards assisting the bunnies! And with that horrible, horrible feline and his rotten relatives helping them, who knows how much bad luck I will end up with!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Continuing Bus Issues

My problems with the bus and planned trips by the human continue as well. It wasn't so bad when the bus opened up the Florida line down to the mouse's dwelling, and the luxury hotel for my kind, but these new lines, oh, they should be ashamed! There was an article in the paper all about the line that runs right by the archives, and of course it just made the human more eager to visit the horrible place. Really, that awful tree of hers does not need more encouragement! I don't want to think of how tall a trip to the state archives might make it grow. I'm sure it's already a safety hazard, from the potentially falling nuts alone! And then, if this trip goes well, the human is talking about another trip, out to the land of the bears, to attempt to sell those bear books! And what in the world am I going to do if she does that? Visiting the birthplace of the bears is sure to result in more siblings for me, and what if she DOES sell those books? I sense work on the horizon if that happens!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Human's Bed

I staked out the human's bed this morning, and what did I see, tucked under the covers with her, but that rabbit again, all snuggled up, and likely whispering horrible ideas involving seed, and who knows what else to the human. I ended up hopping up onto the bed, to try to get the bunny back under control. Not that it worked, I'm sorry to say. All the bunny did when she saw me was to pull back the covers, and offer to scoot over a bit so I could snuggle up too! The bunny wanted me to sleep with her! Really, sleeping with a bunny! She was probably hoping that her vegetarianism would rub off on me in my sleep if I had accepted her offer!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Food Co-Op Gets Worse

And things are getting worse for me with the food co-op. I swear, that business should be illegal. Now Betsy is getting into the act. It turns out that the place as a giant vat of honey, sitting unguarded, with a little spout that flips right open to allow the honey to flow out into jars, or as Betsy is now planning, into a delinquent bear. Oh, this is just horrible! Betsy could have offered to assist the bunnies with their book, to give her an excuse for a co-op visit, but no, that would be too easy. Instead she is urging the human to finish one of the bear books, so those can be sold at the co-op too, and she will have a perfect reason to go along, and get her paws on that honey! And what am I going to do if the human listens and finishes a bear book? I appear in those! If those books are made available for sell, I will be expected to assist with selling! And then I will be declared an accomplice to honey theft when Betsy gets loose!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

More Food Co-op Issues

As if it wasn't bad enough that the food co-op sold the polar bear that corn, today was even worse. The polar bear was lounging on the bed, undoubtedly planning how to creep under the covers with the human, when she asked the bunny who was sitting there, likely plotting the same thing if one of the bunny books didn't involve the food co-op. Much to my horror, the rabbit thought about it, and said that a couple did. A COUPLE! You know what that means! Now the bunnies will want to go there to try to sell books when the human gets them finished! Do you know how long book signings can last? And I'm sure the bunnies won't all stay at the human's little signing table the entire time either. They'll probably take shifts, with some shopping for seeds will others sign

Friday, February 10, 2012

Total, Utter Disaster

The human went out today, and before I could stop her, one of the polar bears wrapped up in a scarf and hopped into the human's bookbag. I thought they were just going out for a fillet o' fish. That's what the bear was waving a coupon for, and since the humans were discussing eating too, I thought I was safe. The polar bear would get the fish and return without any issues. Little did I know. It turns out that the human decided to drop in on the food co-op for some sort of beauty product after lunch, and of course the polar bear trotted along. She had a sack in her paws when she returned, that she proudly presented the bunnies. A sack with corn seed in it! Over a quarter pound of colored popcorn seed, all ready for planting. Needless to say, the bunnies were thrilled. Well, I am NOT thrilled! Now I will be forced to live in a colorful corn maze! Do you know how many popcorn seed are in a quarter pound?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Human Napping

I poked my head into the human's room when she was napping, to make sure that I didn't see any signs of archive trip planning, only to spot something worse. A pair of floppy ears were poking out from beneath the covers, and when I crept closer, I saw that the ears were attached to a bunny! A bunny that was snuggled in the human's arms! She was sleeping with a rabbit! Oh, I sense a disaster brewing if the bunnies have convinced the human that they're wonderful sleep companions. That will only make her fonder of them, and likely to listen to any suggestion they offer her. And what if they suggest my food should be replaced with vegetables? She could very well listen!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Horrible Archives

The human's planned archive trip is getting worse. Now she's talking about staying over for a couple of nights to get all of the research she can done. What am I supposed to do if the humans are gone a couple of nights? I just know my food dish will end up empty again like it did the time they went to visit that ill relation, and then what will become of me? I will be trapped here with a batch of devout vegetarian bunnies who are just dying to convert me! I will be forced to eat a vegetable or starve! What in the world can I do to prevent this?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Carrot Juice

I spotted several rabbits juicing carrots today, and then even more alarming, several more bunnies were online, reading a recipe for mixing up some carrot shampoo that a fellow bunny had posted. And who is this carrot mix intended for, that's what I would like to know. I am missing a brush, and I know that's the sound of water running in the tub. I very much fear that the bunnies plan to capture me and force me to be washed with their carrot product! What if it turns me orange? A refuse to look like a carrot for those rabbits' amusement!

Monday, February 6, 2012

And More Problems

If I thought it was safe to set a paw outside, I would, to check the premises for any signs of Nick the Cat and his awful relations. I am sure they are to blame for all of my current troubles. As if the bunny beauty products, rapidly increasing numbers of siblings and other assorted woes I've suffered of late isn't enough, now the bus company is causing issues once more, with a quick and cheap route right down to the state archives. The human has already looked at things, and is making plans to book her trip as soon as possible. Oh, no good can come of this. If she visits those archives, it will only lead to the growth of that horrible tree of hers. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can prevent this? The bunnies have already offered to provide the two dollars for the bus ride so hiding money is out.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Bunny Beauty

You will never believe this, but a batch of rabbits have gone into the beauty business! One of the bunnies hopped out with the human today before I could stop her, and when she returned, she happily shared with the rest of the rabbits the news about these cosmetics, shampoos and lotions. One of them even has carrots in the name of the item, so everyone will know right away that bunnies are responsible for this! Bunny beauty products. And the human is thinking of trying out some of this merchandise too. The bunnies let her pet their silky fur and reassured her that the bunny products can do wonders for her as well. They even suggested that I should try out the bunny line, saying it would greatly improve my fur. My fur looks just fine, thank you very much, although I'm sure that won't stop the bunnies from insisting I need to wash in carrot shampoo to look my best! Bunny beauty products, really! What's going to happen next? Are they going to take to selling the things door to door?

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Horrible, Horrible Saturday

I don't think a day could go worse if it tried. I swear, I never imagined so many horrors in one day were possible, yet there they were, bright and early this morning. First, the humans went out to breakfast and a funeral home, and a bear trotted along. It was a relatively well behaved bear too, so I wasn't too worried. Needless so say, I should have been. That bear was supposed to get a honey breakfast, visit the funeral home with the humans and return right home! But, oh, you won't believe what she did! She visited the homeless shelter! She visited Habitat for Humanity! When that bear returned home she had two more siblings for me, three magazines on quilt construction for the polar bears and a magazine on cottage design for the bunnies! I have never seen such in my life! I'm up to 721 siblings, and I don't like how the bunnies are reading their magazine, making notes and looking at me either! I think I must ban all bears from venturing out in the future. It just isn't safe for me!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Tomato Festival

The bunnies are already making plans for the tomato festival this year, and it is over five months away! Oh, this means trouble, I am sure of it. The bunnies feel certain the human will have a book ready for selling purposes by then, which means she will need a booth at the tomato fest. A booth! If the human gets a booth at this awful event it means she will want to be there for both days, and of course she won't want to come back here and then have to drive back, which means she will head for the country cottage! I will be forced at the least to go to the cottage, if the bunnies don't think of something worse to force me to do! And who knows what other events they could find in the country, to attend, and to force me to the country cottage for? I'm doomed!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Groundhog's Day

The let the groundhogs have another day this year. Really, who arranges such events? I'm sure it is the same person who is to blame for the Year of the Rabbit. Anyway, my groundhog siblings have been partying all day, and then gloating over seeing their shadows and inflicting six more weeks of winter on us. Groundhogs have no meteorological training. I don't see why they get to dictate the weather, but apparently someone thought it was a wonderful idea to put them in charge of deciding the length of winter. Needless to say, the polar bears aren't taking it well, and are running around panicked, claiming they won't be able to take six more weeks to spring. Six more weeks! My tail will be flat if I have to endure six weeks of panicked bears!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Polar Bear Going Out Again

The polar bear went out again, but this time I think my luck might have changed. It was raining today, and was a bit chilly out. The bear had to hide in the back seat of the car under a blanket instead of lounging in the human's book bag like she always does. When she returned, she was complaining about her ears and nose being cold from the trip, and I think I hear her still complaining. Oh, happy day! As long as that bear is objecting and complaining of the cold, then she isn't likely to want to go out again, and invite more siblings to move in! Oh, happy day for me!