Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The air conditioner is messed up, undoubtedly due to some human's actions. I would normally accuse the rabbits of causing this problem, but they're so occupied with gardening and planning work for me that I know they couldn't be responsible. Anyway, it's hot in here! My lovely fur coat is getting all sweaty! I was hoping the bunnies would immediately demand to leave and go to a hotel, but they seem to be handling it well. They say their big ears keep them nice and cool, and I know I've seen them occasionally fanning themselves with those long, floppy ears! I will be forced to stay here forever, it looks like, if I must wait for the bunnies to get hot enough to want to leave! I'm doomed! Do you know how much damage sweat can do to fur?
Monday, May 30, 2011
My egg hiding humiliation continues. I couldn't even bring myself to speak of the horror that was my third lesson until now. For the third lesson, we had to hide an actual egg. First off, there were rabbits everywhere during this, with all of the parent bunnies taking pictures of their offspring hiding their first egg. And of course my rabbit siblings just had to get into the act, showing up, and letting everyone know they were with the cat. Totally embarrassing. Anyway, I got a B on my hiding place. Honestly, I think I should have gotten a higher mark. The place I hid my egg was excellent. I buried it in a pile of mulch around a tree, but the head bunny said that digging eggs in isn't an established egg hiding practice, and knocked off points. Have you ever heard something so unfair? I didn't get a shovel and bury the thing six feet under! It was covered with a light sprinkling of mulch, is all, and would have been found by a child showing some care! A B! That hiding place should have been an A for sure!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The library is encouraging the bunnies. Honestly, I don't know what in the world that place is thinking. They let my rabbit siblings hop in this afternoon, with a card borrowed from a human, and hop out again with a batch of books on home improvement. They've been camped out with them ever since they returned home, plotting work for me, I'm sure. I don't like the way they keep looking at me, and then scribbling on a little list at all. Really, the library should be ashamed. Isn't it bad enough that they let the bunnies get their paws on gardening books? And now this. What's next? A lovely little selection on making cats work? Wait a minute! I just checked the library history. They have that book on interlibrary loan!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The bunnies ran into a snag in their plans to redecorate the country cottage when the humans hit trouble while doing some work that must be completed before the rabbits can start redecorating. Needless to say, the bunnies were hopping mad when they came home, and I was pleased, thinking I would be spared the torture of the country and sharing a bed with the bunnies. Unfortunately, they quickly disabused me of that notion. A group was waiting for me, when I strolled to my food bowl, to inform me that they looked in a home improvement book, to find out how to get things on track again, and they have a few jobs for me, the first of which involves glazing some windows! Glazing? Isn't that something that is done to donuts? It will surely attract bears, and I don't want to think of what Betsy will do to get her paws on the glazing! HELP!
Friday, May 27, 2011
I have never been so embarrassed in my life. The humans went to the country cottage today, and naturally the bunnies hopped along with them. Anyway, the bunnies were lounging on the bunk beds, making note of how many rabbits would be able to sleep there, likely right next to me, so their big ears will poke me, and their carrot breath will disturb me, when they spotted a cat outside! Naturally the hopped right out to introduce themselves to this feline, and the next thing I heard, they were hopping home with the happy news that a cottage warming party has been scheduled with ME as the host! They asked every cat in the neighborhood! What in the world am I going to do? It will be humiliating! And what if those other cats find out that the bunnies have made me WORK?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Just a warning to those of you who are foolish enough to still live in the country, I heard the humans talking about heading up there, possibly tomorrow or over the weekend. Betsy has already packed her extra large snitching sack in anticipation of robbing all of the happy picnickers, and I am afraid to know what the bunnies are packing. I only hope it isn't my leash to drag me along to be put to work!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Never trust an anteater. We are having a little issue with ants around here, and the anteater who lives here is supposed to be dealing with it. Honestly, I have noticed large quantities of food going missing from my dish, and I know it's the ants who are robbing me. And what is that anteater doing? He's claiming that there are way too many ants for one little anteater to handle munching down on his own. And then he told me that ants were delicious, a bit like potato chips, and suggested I try one. I know I shouldn't have listened, but the human seems to like potato chips, and the anteater's always lurking around her bed, so I thought he might know what he was talking about. Let me tell you now, ants are nothing like potato chips! I am sure potato chips don't bite, and I can't even begin to describe the horrible taste the ant left on my tongue before it escaped! See if I ever listen to an anteater again!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
If you live in the country, I do hope you haven't returned to your home yet, or else I hope you followed my advice and upped your insurance policies, because I heard the human a bit ago, planning to go back in the next few days. And you know Betsy and the bunnies will be going with her. And I'm very afraid that I might end up going too. The bunnies hopped around a big ago with a list of what to bring. I have orders to bring bedding big enough to sleep three, for me and two bunnies, and a towel for visits to the lake! A TOWEL! And are they expecting me to share this towel? Because I don't think they make towels big enough to get those big bunny ears dry!
Monday, May 23, 2011
The mission let another one escape. Really, I know that place is supposed to help the homeless out, but why, oh why, do they keep assisting them by letting them move in here? I'm surprised they aren't offering them some sort of bus service, right to our doorstep. Another bear came trotting in this afternoon, bringing my sibling total to 675. I keep trying to comfort myself with the thought that things could be worse, and at least it isn't another bunny, but that isn't helping.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I had my second egg hiding class this weekend, the one where they actually let us touch an egg. It wasn't too horrible. The excitement of my baby rabbit classmates was probably the worst part. They were so enthused over getting to touch an actual Easter egg. It was almost embarrassing. Really, you would think they had never seen an egg before, They're rabbits! I'm sure they have. I don't know why this one was such a big deal. It hadn't even been decorated yet. Anyway, I poked it slightly, and my paws didn't get anything annoying on them, so I would say the class worked out okay. The next lesson is on hiding, though, which is sure to be a disaster. Each of us will be issued an egg that we must find a hiding place for, and then the place will be graded!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Well, I checked the latest rabbit work list, and I am down for something related to the country cottage renovations. The rabbits have assigned me to be a pillow stuffer and fluffer. My job will be to either poke pillows into cases, or to poke stuffing into pillows, depending upon the pillow type, and then to ensure the pillows are nice and fluffy for placing on the bunk beds. Really! That job is sure to attract polar bears, who will assume that the stuffing is wool that they need for quilt batting. I will be harassed the entire time! And do you know what else is bad about these bunks? The bunnies have the notion that we can share the bunks! They've already issued my sleeping assignment, when we go to the country cottage for a few days, on the top bunk between a Kiley Rabbit and Josie Rabbit! I will be forced to snooze with rabbits!
Friday, May 20, 2011
I do hope everyone in the country took advantage of my warning and fled, or at least doubled their insurance. I'm afraid that once again, the humans had a successful visit to the country, so successful, in fact, that they're discussing returning next week. And I am very afraid that a nightmarish amount of rabbits might be hopping along. There are bunk beds up there, you see, and the humans just moved them to a better location, and are making plans to redo them. Plans to redo them with lovely green spreads and pillows! Green is the color of vegetables! Needless to say, the bunnies were thrilled with this planned color, and have already offered their assistance with the redecorating, which means they will all want to hop along to the country to help. And I just know they're going to put me down for some sort of job during this redecoration! I'll probably be removing paint and strings of fabric from my fur forever!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Okay, Dogs, just what did I do to offend canines so much? Because surely I've done something or you dogs think I've done something, due to the latest horror, a giant stack of magazines, devoted to canines, that are to be stuffed into the goodie bags for that horrible reunion. I was napping, but I suspect a canine of dropping them off. So, dogs, what in the world happened to get all of you so upset with me, that you're devoting your time to encouraging those goodie bags to get bigger?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I just wanted to let the poor, misfortunate people who live in the country, and certainly those poor lake bears, know that the humans are heading up there in a couple of days, likely accompanied by Betsy Bear and massive amounts of rabbits. I suggest you look into moving now, or doubling your insurance policies before it is too late!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I had my first egg hiding class, and I swear this thing is the stuff of nightmares. The first lesson was evasive hopping, to prevent children from snagging you, and getting the eggs before they can be hidden. Honestly, I have never heard of such, and I don't know why they're letting the Easter Bunny teach this. With as many times as he has been caught by Betsy, and robbed of his candy and chocolate eggs, he obviously has no evasion skills. My poor paws. I think some of the infant rabbits who are my new classmates must have springs in their big feet from how they were hopping around. I'm not sure how, but I know the next lesson will be just as big a disaster. They're teaching proper egg handling, and might let us touch an actual egg next.
Monday, May 16, 2011
I was too horrified to post about it last night, but I thought I would share the shocking news this morning. The cemetery visit yesterday was a huge success, I'm very sad to say, and the human even found new graves to decorate. And, in even worse news, she encountered a bunch of cousins to chatter with, which means that Betsy wasn't supervised at all. I'm sure every insurance agency up there is full this morning, with bears reporting massive losses of honey due to that delinquent. And, that isn't even the worst part. The human obtained a table full of materials for stuffing into those goodie bags, thanks to the welcome centers in the mountains. Really, she got so much that I couldn't see wood with it all on there. And the cousins she met up in the mountains were told her reunion ideas, and they thought it was wonderful! They even offered assistance, which will only lead to the growth of her plans! And to those bunnies insisting I assist with more of the planning too! Really, isn't it against some sort of law to make cats work like that?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The cemetery flowers are down and I am very much afraid that the humans are heading off to the mountains to visit a graveyard, or possibly multiple graveyards. I'm sure this can only lead to the growth of that horrible tree, and what in the world will I do if it leads to more reunion invitations being issued? That can only result in more work for me. And then there are the poor mountain bears. Betsy always attends these events, so she can pop by their dens to rob them. I do hope they had time to seek insurance for their impending losses.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I really ought to take Nick the Cat to court. I poked my head out this afternoon, to find a flyer from one of his relations, saying he was bringing my bad luck today, and the family has been proudly spreading bad luck for over fifteen years now, and to consult with them for all of your bad luck needs. Of course, I didn't know exactly what bad luck this cat was claiming to have caused until the bunnies came hopping home with a koala they found at the homeless shelter up in the country. And, of course, this koala is insisting that a eucalyptus patch should be started right away. Really, Nick the Cat and his kin should be ashamed of themselves, causing bad luck like this, especially to a fellow feline!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Did you know that horrible class the bunnies have signed me up for actually has a text book? 625 pages! The bunnies just presented it to me, so I can start studying! 625 pages on everything from the proud history of Easter and the Easter bunny, hiding places ranked in order from excellent to lame, proper handling of eggs, basket decoration and managing the egg hunt. Do you know how long it will take me to get through that text, and the bunnies have already informed me that should I fail this egg hiding class, I will be sent to Remedial Egg Hiding!
Oh, and as if the vegetables weren't enough, the bunnies also came back with several bags of candy, to be stuffed into those eggs for the egg hunt they have planned for the reunion. The thing is going to be a horrible success, I just know it. And do you know what else those rabbits have done, just to make my nightmares worse? They have signed me up for an egg hiding CLASS! Introduction to Egg Hiding 101, which starts next week and is conducted by their leader, the Easter Bunny. They gave me the awful news like it was something to be proud of, the fact I will be a grown feline in a class made up of infant rabbits! Humiliated, I will be totally humiliated! Those bunnies should be ashamed, forcing me to to attend something like this!
I'm sorry for the lack of warning. Blogger was acting up last night, or I surely would have posted an alert. The humans went to the country today, and of course, a batch of rabbits hopped along with them. Oh, I will have nightmares for sure when I recall what they came back with. More strawberries, asparagus, garlic, pumpkin and squash seed, a four pack of tomatoes! And it was all such a reasonable price, too. They're thinking about heading back to the country tomorrow to do a bit more discount shopping. Flee now, while you still can! RUN!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oh, and the bunnies' associate, the neighbor who actually gardens, is up to something, too. He's asked the grandhuman for a ride to a doctor's appointment tomorrow. A doctor. Yeah, right. He's probably going to see a batch of bunnies, amusing themselves impersonating a physician. And they'll undoubtedly give him a prescription for gardening. Then the humans will feel sorry for him, since he is claiming illness and will get a plow and dig for him! I can just see it now!
Please join me in offering up prayers for the poor, non-gardening neighbors who are doomed. A bunny hopped out today, and came back with a huge sack of dirt, little holders for the rapidly sprouting seed, two tomato plants, ten strawberries and the horrible news that Walmart is having a sale on their berry bushes, grape vines and other assorted vegetable packs. I think we can safely figure where those bunnies will be tomorrow. They're even talking about hopping to the bus stop should the human be too busy to take them. They moved alarming amounts of seeds to the little seed holders, and promptly replaced it. They added bush champion cucumber. Boston pickling cucumber, Poinsett #76 cucumber, marketmore cucumber, national pickling cucumber, summer choice tomato, big boy tomato, rutgers tomato, triple treat pumpkins and Hungarian hot wax peppers. Our poor neighbors. Our poor, poor neighbors. Please remember them in prayer, for they are about to become homeless.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The cotton is sprouting. At first, I thought that would be good news, since at least it would keep the polar bears occupied and not with their wool obsession, but now I have realized there is a problem. The polar bears were thrilled when the bunnies told them that what they think are wool plants were sprouting, and they offered their assistance in the garden right away to get things ready for planting. And then the sheep sent a message, offering their help as well. They figure if the polar bears are growing what they think is wool, they'll leave them alone, so they're willing to do anything to encourage this crop. A flock of them is probably already on their way over to help with digging! We are doomed!
Monday, May 9, 2011
It's started. The bunnies checked their little bags this afternoon, and they found the first sprouts! They just poked things into the bags on Saturday! Three days! They have sprouts in three days! We are doomed. We are all doomed! And, even worse, they haven't had a chance to get their paws on a plow yet, so they're talking about hopping to the garden store in the morning to purchase special containers to hold their sprouts until they get the ground plowed up. I expect our gardening neighbor to schedule a setback with his faked illness in the morning, to assist them with this. The cucumbers are sprouting, I'm very sad to say, along with the zucchini, and I believe the bunnies said some of the cantaloupe and honeydew melons. I'm sure the watermelon and pumpkins can't be far behind.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The egg hunt horrors are continuing. The bunnies obtained more eggs this afternoon, for hiding purposes. They now have 168 eggs. And, of course, they are planning to force me to assist in the hiding. Do you know how long that will take? I will be forced to work forever! And, in an even worse bit of news, they got their paws on these little golf clubs shaped like carrots, and are going to offer to set up something with them at the reunion for the human. It is all part of a plot to brainwash people into becoming vegetarians and bunny-lovers, no doubt!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Not content with having a bag half filled, the rabbits poked more seed in. Here's the additional horror; Mandarian squash, Chinese cucumbers, apple cucumbers also from China, possibly a gift for the Year of the Rabbit, South Korean cucumbers, Belgian cucumbers and the one decent thing the bunnies poked in the bag, cotton. At least if they grow that, some sheep might have their wool spared. I must try to think of it that way.
Please join me in offering up prayers for our poor, misfortunate, non-gardening neighbors, for they are doomed. Our other neighbor, the bunnies' associate, is doing quite well with his horrible plot. He actually got the grandhuman and the other neighbors to mow his lawn for him today. Plowing can't be far behind. I even saw an email he sent to the rabbits, chuckling about it and thanking his cotton-tailed friends for their excellent advice. In anticipation of the arrival of this plow, the bunnies poked three bags full of seed for starting purposes. I have never seen little bags packed so full. Here's what they have; two packs of butternut squash, straight eight cucumber,spinach, collards, kohlrabi, national pickling cucumber, kale, sweet banana pepper, grand bell pepper, two packs of cauliflower, small gourds, whale gourd, gooseneck gourd, caveman club gourd, apple gourd, some other gourd of a kind I fear to know, two packs of broccoli, cantaloupe, honeydew melon, massive amounts of watermelon, two packs of California wonder peppers, cayenne pepper, long sweet pepper, jalepeno pepper, cabbage, eggplant, gray zucchini, sumter cucumber yellow squash, big Max pumpkin, some assorted pumpkins, regular zucchini, san marzino tomato, cherry tomato, ace tomato, fireball tomato, homestead tomato, super marmande tomato, roma tomato, delicious tomato, cherokee purple tomato, pink tomato, brandywine tomato, Carolina gold tomato, Mr. Stripey tomato, and green Zebra tomato. And they still have space in the bags for more!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Our neighbor is up to something. I'm not sure exactly what yet, but I know it doesn't bode well, whatever it is. For the last few days, he has been claiming illness, resulting in much worry and feeling sorry for him on the humans' part. I would be sympathetic, but frankly, I am suspicious about the timing of this illness. This human is a gardener, and thus an associate of the RABBITS! I'm sure this is all part of some plot he's cooked up, possibly on the advice of those cotton-tailed troublemakers. The humans are talking about assisting him with digging his garden now, due to how sorry they feel for him, which will surely call for the rental of a plow. And once the plow is done with the neighbor's garden, of course, the bunnies will be able to get their paws on it, to finish preparing their plots. I'm sure those rabbits have put him up to this, probably with a seed bribe, and I hope he feels totally ashamed of himself, when our other, non-gardening neighbors end up homeless!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I've been on rabbit watch today, camping out by the sliding glass door to observe the garden area in the backyard, and you don't want to know the horrors that I have seen. I'm going to mention them anyway, though, so you best shoo small children away right now, or possibly cover your eyes. There have been rabbits hopping around out there like crazy, poking out stakes, tilling soil, and doing mightmarish amounts of tasks they claim are essential to a garden. Really, after seeing all of that, I don't know how I will be able to sleep tonight. I might end up the first feline to ever suffer insomnia.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The rabbits issued my egg hunt orders today. They claim since I'm not an experienced egg hider, unlike bunnies, that they would give me an easy assignment, but I checked, and I am down to hide the eggs that are stuffed with cash! Not only will that money attract children, but it's sure to attract Betsy Bear, who will try to snatch it for snack purchase purposes! So much for those rabbits' claim that they were giving me an easy task. And I'm sure they did it on purpose, too. They don't have claws, just pointy carrots, no defense at all against Betsy. They probably expect me to wreck my nice claws defending those eggs for them!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Easter Bunny hopped by and dropped off another rabbit, this time one of his personal bunny servants! Oh, I can't imagine a worse sign. If he's dropping off one of his personal servants, that must mean he's very impressed with what my delinquent rabbit siblings are plotting. And what they have planned is the stuff of nightmares. They're going all out on that egg hunt for the family reunion. They've already started to stuff the eggs they got with cash, as gifts for the children. Oh, if they know there's money involved, they'll want to hunt those blasted eggs for sure! The egg hunt will be an awful success! And then there's the issue of who will be hiding those eggs. I happened across a picture they drew for the planned hiding job, and I don't like what I saw. True, the picture had a lot of potential hiding places illustrated, but then the bunnies had drawn ME, with a pair of fake rabbit ears on my head, dragging a basket full of eggs around for hiding purposes! They're planning to make me work! They're planning to make me an honorary rabbit! And the more help the Easter Bunny drops off here, the more likely those bunnies are to succeed!
Monday, May 2, 2011
When the human came in, she reported something alarming. There was a rabbit, in a frock coat and vest, only a few blocks away from the house, hopping in this general direction. A bunny in a frock coat and vest? That's their leader! He's coming back! He's probably coming back to bring more seed to my bunny siblings! Or to drop off more rabbits to assist with gardening or egg hunt planning! Do you think I have time to poke out a few of Betsy's snares in hopes of stopping him? But where could I put them? Since it isn't Easter, he won't be taking his usual path, The Bunny Trail, so he could arrive from any direction! I'm doomed!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The humans' visit to the country went well yesterday, and now there is much talk about a return trip in a few days. And I do not like how frequently my name is coming up as those bunnies chatter about a return trip. The group of rabbits that hopped off to the country on Saturday had a lovely time, raiding pastures for manure and hopping by poor Farmer Turley's for snacks. I do hope he wasn't too fond of his tomato crops. So naturally, the rabbits want to return, and they want to drag me along. And what do they want me for? for conversion into a VEGETARIAN!! Once they have me out in the country, where I won't have the ability to call for decent food, the bunnies are sure they will have me. I'll have to munch down the vegetables, or possibly have to go to the trouble of hunting down a mouse, and risking a lawsuit from that large rodent in Florida for threatening a relation. If those rabbits have their way, I might be a vegetarian by weekend! Oh, woe is me!