Saturday, October 31, 2009

Novel Writing

I have three hours until that horrible novel writing month starts. I wonder if by any miracle that might be enough time to flee the area? Goodness knows that our neighbors need to flee for their lives right away. I've spotted a couple of the bunnies lurking around the human, giving her ideas for the first book in the bunny gardening series, and I caught her just a bit ago, doing some outlining in her notebook and seeming excited about the ideas she has. That doesn't seem to be a good sign at all, especially since the plot she has in mind involves rabbits planting things. I just know they're going to be able to use the idea of getting a mention in a book to get a ton of seeds handed over to them, and then what in the world will happen to our neighbors?

The Mall

The local shopping mall was foolishly amusing themselves passing out Halloween candy today and to make matters worse, they started nice and early, so I think you can safely guess where Betsy was amusing herself while waiting for those foolish churches to open up this afternoon to produce their candy. Oh, all of those poor, misfortunate children who went up to that mall expecting candy. I can't be in any way held accountable for the poor dears becoming the victims of attacks and raids on their sacks of goodies by that bear, now can I?

Friday, October 30, 2009


I hate the month of November. There is this horrible November event scheduled that is supposed to result in a complete or nearly complete novel by the end of the month and naturally the human had to rush and sign up right away. And of course, the teddies and the rabbits are all enthusiastic about this and are eagerly planning what they can do to assist. I wonder if I ought to go ahead and tell our poor neighbors to flee for their lives? The bunnies are planning another rather large seed order in the name of book research. And as for Betsy Bear, I don't want to know what she's planning, but I'm sure it's some sort of crime and the human has just given her the perfect excuse to get away with it. I wonder where I can hide until November is over?

Polar Bear Property

Has everyone here heard about those polar bears up in Alaska who were just given large tracts of property? Needless to say, my polar bear sisters were thrilled to hear this news, and are thinking about the appropriate gifts to send to their fellow bears for property warming parties. Why do I have a feeling that every sheep in this state is doomed?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Vet

Oh my heavens! The human has really done it this time! She has now invited my VET to this horrible church supper! This is part of some sort of trick to get me involved in assisting with this thing, I just know it. And what am I going to do if these humans don't start working right, and the vet shows up to find there is no food left? You know she will hold me accountable as the only feline around. What a dirty trick on that human's part to force me into providing assistance. She should be ashamed.

More Church News

The human and that church have definitely made up, and she spent more of my valuable blogging time than I want to think of today calling around to check with churches who hadn't replied yet to her advertisement. Really, what is she thinking? I need my computer time, and talking to these places only reminds Betsy of their existence and their potential for having Halloween candy on hand. One foolish church even mentioned they were passing out candy tonight. Really, if they're foolish enough to do that, they almost deserve Betsy getting them.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Human's Back

The human's back and I'm afraid Betsy returned with her, smelling of honey and other yummy treats. I just know she totally robbed that poor hospital, and I can only hope that no one there really wanted to eat today. As for the bunny who hopped along, I'm not even going to try to guess what that rabbit was up to. I'm sure it somehow involves vegetables and won't be good for our poor neighbors and their continuing ability to live in their homes at all.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Annoying Church News

In some annoying church news, the human talked to the church that made her cry, and apparently all is forgiven. She's planning to start doing more work for that terrible place as soon as she gets home tomorrow. Really, I wonder if I'll have time to trot down the computer store and buy a lock for the laptop while she's gone. I need this computer for blogging purposes and her church stuff takes an alarming amount of time.

Human's Ankle

The human goes in tomorrow to get a pin out of her ankle, and supervising the teddies and my name are being mentioned alarmingly in the same sentence. I think she's plotting to leave me in charge. I wonder if I have time to call the place where she is going for this to alert them? Betsy is planning to stow away, and I just know she is going to commit who knows how many robberies. And I don't even want to think about what possible reason the bunnies have for planning to go as well. I'm sure whatever they're up to won't bode well at all.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


I wonder if the zoo has noticed those missing penguins and zebras yet? I don't know what in the world I am going to do if the authorities come looking for them. They're all camped out in the back I suspect waiting for daylight so they can start partying again. Really, it's a wonder the neighbors haven't alerted the law on them. There are penguin feathers and I don't want to think of what else scattered everywhere.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Even More Issues

Oh, this is getting ridiculous. Now Zenobia Zebra is out there in the back yard too, helping hang out party decorations and putting out little selections of food like apples and carrots with toothpicks in them. I'll bet she's invited all of the zebras from the zoo and from who knows where else too, to pop over! The black and white decorations do go with both penguins and zebras after all, so both groups will match the party. I wonder if the police have ever had to come out for penguins and zebras having an excessive party gone wild?

More Penguin Issues

Oh, and the penguins have been gathering alarming amounts of penguin movies and television programs as well, for entertainment for this party they have planned. I don't even want to think of the number of disks they have to show to all of their little penguin friends. How long are these other penguins going to be here that they think they'll have time to watch all of that?

Tuna and Black and White Buntings

How worried do you suppose I should be? My penguin siblings are wadding around the back yard hanging up a bunch of black and white penguin colored buntings all around the fence and from every place they can get to. Granted as penguins they are pretty short and can't reach high, but given enough time I just know they'll find the ladder and decide to try it. I don't like what they're doing with the tuna, either. They snatched every can they could find, and all of the salmon too, and have made little balls out of them, with toothpicks poking out. They're planning to serve little penguin appetizers! They used an entire box of 1000 toothpicks the human had for cake decorating purposes so I think you can imagine how truly alarming this is. How many penguins are they expecting that they need this much party food?

Friday, October 23, 2009

Video Games

The human has discovered more alarming video games that she can play online, I am very sorry to say. On the up side, it did distract her rather nicely from that church issue, and her being online is keeping Betsy Bear and the bunnies from getting onto Google Earth. It's cutting drastically into my computer time, though, especially with her saying she just needs to play one more level every five seconds. I ought to password protect this thing for my use only. I really should.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

That Annoying Church

The church has really done it this time, and for once what they have done doesn't in any way, shape or form involve encouragement of my delinquent siblings. They have made my human cry! After the five or six hours she's spent, hunting down and sending emails to promote this dinner, not to mention time spent replying to emails, time that I should have had on the computer chatting on this blog, the church has decided to completely ignore what my poor human has done, and are preparing dinner for under 100 people, when my human has invited every church in town, including all of the megachurches. So, needless to say she's crying her eyes out, because of all of the time she spent trying to make things work but she thinks that they don't really want her to be involved in the activity stuff, which was making her so happy. Does anyone know what to do to comfort a heartbroken human? Even if it was annoying and totally messed up my computer time, she was really happy doing this, and the rejection has just crushed her. I ought to send Betsy down there to raid their refrigerator. That would serve them right.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Trick or Treating

Now the rabbits are getting into the act and wanting to go trick or treating a well. Somehow they found out about this thing called candy corn that is passed out on Halloween, and they want to gather some for a crop for next year. I'm sure they want to raid pumpkins for seed too. I wonder if I could check into jail until this terrible, terrible holiday is over?

Church and Halloween

I think our town must have the most foolish churches around. It seems that all of them are amusing themselves hosting trick or treating events, and to make matters even worse, these events are spread out over the next two weekends. I hope they're insured is all that I can say, because Betsy Bear has out maps and is hard at work marking out a route to maximize her candy gathering capacity. The poor, poor children who are planning to attend all of this too. I hope they weren't really attached to the idea of getting candy.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Even More Google Earth Issues

Now the human is wanting to poke at Google Earth too, in order to hunt down cemeteries and dead relatives! Really, I have never heard of one computer program that could be so troublesome. I am so doomed as long as this is on the computer that it isn't funny. Really, what sort of lunatic created this program and how can I turn them over to the funny farm?

Even Worse Thing about Google Earth

I just realized that the horrible Google Earth program could be used by Betsy Bear too, to track down bees in their little hives, along with the dens of poor, defenseless bears! Really, what in the world were the people who created this thinking of? It's the perfect tool for crime! Oh, I definitely have to delete this right away. I'm sure if I leave it on the computer that will make me count as an accessory to the crimes it will lead to.

Google Earth

Some foolish person has introduced the rabbits to the pleasure of Google Earth, and now they're demanding I get off the computer at once so they can play with it and look up all of their little rabbit friends' burrow addresses! Oh, this program is going to be such a pain that I don't even want to think of it, and heaven help us all if the penguins start to use it. I'm sure it will give them bad ideas for locating more penguins to invite over for parties. I really must delete it from the computer the second those bunnies hop off to the fridge for a snack. It's much too dangerous to be left on here.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Even More Church Issues

The human spent another three hours online hunting down churches to send announcements to as part of her second wave of publicity. Honestly, have you ever heard of something so horrible in your life? She's sent to pretty much every denomination she could think of and a few she probably just dreamed up. Really, this is going to totally mess up my computer time if she keeps up at this pace and what in the world am I going to do when she insists on computer time for flyer construction?

Pumpkin Seed Church

The church where those alarming amounts of pumpkin seed were obtained have replied to the human's message about that stew dinner, and they were horribly friendly with their offers to help. Really, they probably know the rabbits live here and want to encourage bunny drop in visits to their pumpkin patch. Or possibly they're plotting to get the rabbits to grow and supply pumpkins for them next year. Either way, the rabbits think somethin must be done to thank these nice humans and why do I have a feeling it is going to result in a church visit and seeding?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Pumpkin Seed

The rabbits are hard at work, plotting to get their paws on more pumpkin seed. The foolish church that has these unguarded seed is alarmingly close to the store where the human gets her allergy medicine. I suspect the bunnies plan to hide the box so she has to go out for more, and thus they can stow away and hop off for seed gathering while she's in the store. Do you suppose I ought to alert the human to this rabbit plot? They're planning to bring a little seeding scoop to make the seed gathering go faster.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

More Church Issues

You know, I thought back when that turkey dinner was converted to a beef stew supper, I thought it would be a good thing, so the turkeys I'm expecting in any day now to hide out for Thanksgiving wouldn't be alarmed. Little did I know. Now that there are three weeks to go until this event, the human is pressing hard to promote it, which means increased computer usage on her part and decreased blogging time for me! Really, she just spent two or three hours looking up churches and email addresses to send announcements to, which severely cut my internet time. What if it's like this every day until this meal is served?

I Blame the Church

The human decided to visit a batch of church sales today, along with a bookstore due to the weather taking a turn for the nippy. One of these foolish churches was daring to have a PUMPKIN sale at the same time as their rummage sale. I think that you can guess what happened. They had some pumpkins that had been damaged and were laying unattended and just packed with seed ripe for the taking. There are now several hundred pumpkin seed on the counter drying. Our poor, poor neighbors. Can they sue this church for this?

Friday, October 16, 2009

If They Don't Go to the Country

In even worse news, if the humans don't go to the country, my human is talking about going to some archive to do some genealogy work and expand that terrible, terrible family tree. Really, I'm not sure what thing would be the worse, a visit to the country and being forced to try to supervise Betsy and the bunnies or having that tree sprout new branched. I wonder if I have time to hide her genealogy notebook?

Human Plans

I wonder if I could hide with my cat mother this weekend? I'm afraid the human is making rather alarming plans that I don't want to be associated with in any way, shape or form. She's been talking about visiting the country more than I like, saying how peaceful it is and how she could get so much writing done. Really, what is she thinking? Think of how many crimes Betsy Bear could commit, and does poor Farmer Turley really need a visit from the rabbits? She's been saying that I really ought to go to the country with them, too, which makes me think she's planning to mark me down for bear and bunny supervision duty. I think I must pop out to my mother's house tomorrow to be on the safe side.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Frog

Can a frog be billed for a pool cleanup, not that I have any idea how in the world the humans are ever going to clean up the pool after what that frog did. For some insane reason, he decided that he wanted the pool to match himself so the little thing hopped in one day while I was napping and made off with some of the human's cake coloring. She had leaf green and emerald green and some sort of Christmasy green, and probably a few other greens as well. You don't want to know what our poor pool looks like now after the frog has redecorated and I want to know how he can be billed for this.

Penguin Escape

Now that I've had time to think on it, perhaps it would be best if the zoo penguins drove off in a catering van after all. We aren't far from the zoo and surely if they drove slowly with several penguins steering and a couple to navigate they couldn't get into too much trouble. Certainly they couldn't get in as much trouble as some humans do behind the wheel. My penguin siblings have been checking our fish supplies and making alarming noises about fish usage for their party. I refuse to hand over all of our tuna, so if those zoo penguins are planning to party here, they'll just have to bring their own supplies.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Penguin Costumes

I want the zoo to know right now that I am in no way, shape, or form responsible for this, and I refuse to be held to blame just because I share a home with a batch of delinquent penguins. They were doing some poking around and found a scene in this thing called Mary Poppins featuring penguins waddling around with trays impersonating waiters. Needless to say, they thought this was a great disguise and emailed the zoo penguins right away about it. The penguins will probably be able to escape in a catering truck now if all goes well! I can only hope they don't try to drive it. I'm sure they aren't licensed.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Zoo

The local zoo is foolishly hosting a Halloween event running for two weeks this month. All I can say is that they are so doomed it isn't funny, and I can't possibly be held accountable for the disaster resulting from their foolish decision. There will be people trotting all over the zoo in costume, which will make it the perfect time for jail breaks. I spotted an email my penguin siblings sent to the zoo penguins with instructions for mask construction, and I don't even want to look at what Zenobia Zebra sent out. All of the penguins, and likely the zebra herd too, are plotting their escape during this by pretending they're humans in costume! And then they're going to trot over here to party! Honestly, the zoo should be ashamed of themselves for setting up the circumstances that will lead to these perfect escapes, and I want it known now that I am not to blame! I just hope the neighbors buy that when the yard and house are packed full of partying penguins and zebras.

Monday, October 12, 2009


I was checking the human's iTunes downloads a bit ago and it's alarming to see how many of them relate to that awful, awful tree. What's even worse, though, is that someone has actually put together a podcast on woodpeckers and woodpecker eviction! Does anyone know how I can go about filing a complaint with iTunes about offering such a horrible program without an explicit label? I'm sure it would greatly offend my tenants if they knew of it.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Speaking of the Woodpecker

Speaking of my woodpecker tenants, I just found that youtube has a woodpecker channel, running woodpecker videos. Am I required to offer my tenants internet access so they can watch these woodpecker programs? Right now they just have access to basic cable but they're making noise about wanting educational viewing as well, which they claim these woodpecker programs would provide.


Is it legal to require tenants to list their specific species when they're filling out a rental application, or could they potentially try claiming some sort of discrimination? The grandhuman is a bit upset that my woodpecker tenant has invited a batch of his woodpecker friends to move in here and install holes right next to his. Of course, I'm thrilled to have more tenants, but the grandhuman is complaining terribly. So, I was thinking if I knew the woodpeckers' species, well, did you know there are some woodpeckers you absolutely can't evict no matter what?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Jail Location

I just found out that for some reason my cat mother has been placed in a jail up towards the country where Betsy Bear and the bunnies have amused themselves causing havoc. How concerned do you think that I should be about this? Do you that I need to call my mother and let her know she should deny all knowledge of that bear and perhaps claim an allergy to bunnies? I would hate for her to end up accidentally put down as an accessory to them.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Poor Senior Citizens

I would suggest if you qualify as a senior citizen and live anywhere in the immediate area that you flee at once. The human seems to be making fairly good progress on that book she is writing involving a senior center and she's even talking about popping around to one to do research. I just know if she does, Betsy Bear will stow away for a visit as well. Isn't what she did to those poor seniors during that yard sale bad enough? I wonder if those poor things issued warnings to their fellow seniors to be on the lookout for that bear? I do hope so, especially since the human has an idea for which center to visit for research purposes, and it's a nice one. It would be a shame if Betsy destroyed it.

Cat Mother and Jail

I just got the news that my cat mother has been booked for a jail cell for this weekend and possibly the next week while her humans play at the beach. She really, really did pick a good time to report to lockup, too, because that human is planning to write all weekend, which will lead to a horrible lack of supervision for those teddies and especially for the rabbits. I'm sure her humans would hold her totally accountable if they came home to find the rabbits had hopped down and converted their sun room into an indoor garden while they were away. Not to mention, hopefully after staying indoors for a bit in a cozy cell, my mother will decide to convert to the life of an indoor cat.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Great News!

I finally have some good seed news for a change! The cotton seed arrived today, and just in time too, as the polar bears have been grumbling about the weather getting nippy, and looking at Shelia Sheep and the scissors in a rather alarming manner. Now I just have to find a pot so I can get some cotton planted right away. Surely if I can fool them into thinking wool grows on plants, they will leave the sheep alone.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Giant Pumpkin

I just found a truly nightmarish report on a pumpkin weighing in at 1725 pounds. Oh, I shudder to imagine a vegetable of that size, and you don't want to imagine how the bunnies reacted to the news of this terrible thing. And in even worse news, the human who was insane enough to grow this is offering seeds from it for free! Do you know how many seeds a pumpkin of that size likely has? And, of course, the rabbits are planning to write in right away for some and are already making pumpkin feeding plans for next year. I hope the neighbors have their insurance paid up.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

More Book Doom

As if it isn't bad enough that the human is writing stuff with those teddies and the rabbits, that I'm sure will eventually land me in jail, but now she's gotten an idea for a couple of stories based on things she's found on that terrible tree of hers! She's thinking of a couple of archive trips, just to make sure she gets the entire, horrible thing down correctly! Really, how did I end up with this much bad luck? You would think with all of those rabbit feet hanging around here, I would be fairly safe from such terrible luck.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Seed Orders

Apparently a few of the places the bunnies requested seeds from have worked out that they are rabbits, and shouldn't be given such an extensive gardening education, because they're refusing to hand over seeds. Normally that would be a good thing, bur unfortunately, the rabbits have taken this denial as a challenge and now they're demanding I get offline so they can poke around and work out how to get the seeds they want handed over. Really, it would have been so much easier on me if those places had just handed over the seed without a fuss. Sure, the neighbors would be homeless by May, but at least my computer time wouldn't be disturbed.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


A couple of new cousins just amused themselves emailing the human last night, and of course that's got her right back to poking and that horrible tree again. Does anyone know how to install a relative filter onto her email program so she doesn't continue to get these dangerous mails? I believe something especially dangerous called a reunion might be in the planning stages and I want to nip that horrid idea right in the bud.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Cow Robbery

To make the day even worse, this relative of the humans happens to live alarmingly close to where a batch of cows have their pasture. Some of my rabbit siblings stowed away in the car, and I just know that they harassed these poor cows for their manure! The cows are supposed to be saving that manure to be sold to help make ends meet and to purchase hay and other cow treats! How in the world are they ever going to explain to the farmer they live with if they let a batch of bunnies talk them out of it?

Power Failure

The power at the country cottage has been cut or if they haven't got around to turning the lights up there off yet, they surely will soon. The power company had a meeting for all of their happy customers this morning, followed by a meal, each individual lunch all tucked in a convenient sack. Unfortunately for this poor power company, the location where they chose to have this was along the route the humans chose to take while returning their allergic relative home. And in even worse news, it was right by a church sale known for good deals that the human just had to stop at. Betsy Bear was in the car, and I think you can safely guess what happened. What do you think the electric company can do to punish us besides cutting the lights? The trunk was full of empty sacks when that bear returned.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Allergic Human

Well, the human's allergic relative is here, and she seems okay so far. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the amount of coughing I'm hearing, though. I'm sure I'll probably be held accountable for that in some way, not to mention how disturbing it is to my napping. And to make matters worse, when that human goes home, my humans might drive her, and she lives alarmingly close to a place just packed with obituaries that could encourage that terrible family tree!

Book in a Month

I am very nervous about the latest book the human got in the mail, titled Book in a Month. I don't know what in the world will happen if the human is able to get her writing speed up to that, especially considering how many books she amuses herself working on at once. And not only do I have to worry about being forced into becoming an accessory to book research with those teddies, but when she's busily typing away, she isn't doing a single thing to supervise those bunnies! It will truly be a nightmare what they might be able to get into with the human tied up all day. I wonder if I have time to hide her book before she can finish reading it and getting horrible ideas?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Human Dream

I am very alarmed about a dream the human had, and chose to share with me for some insane reason. She dreamed that multiple packages, each one filled with seeds, showed up on our doorstep. And, to make matters worse, there is apparently some story going around that if dreams are shared before breakfast, they will come true. I am afraid I am doomed if this is so, because I know the human hadn't rolled in to eat before sharing this nightmare of a dream with me. Can I inform the neighbors that it is all my human's fault should this happen and their home is destroyed by vegetables? How hard would it have been for her to hold off chattering until she had munched something down?