Polar Bear Posting

Hello. The snow did stop, so I decided to do what the bunnies were bugging me about, and venture out of the den to post. My name is Annann Polar Bear, and I'm here today to talk about quilts. The simplest way to make a quilt is to find a fat quarter, with a print too nice to cut up. You take that, and then you sew a border on all four sides. If you happen to be a larger animal, you might need two or more borders to get the size you want. Once you have your top to the size you need, pick a piece of nice looking fabric for the backing. Now, we come to the most important part, the batting! We can't say enough about the wonders of wool for batting, and the best wool is fresh off of the sheep! This is the tricky part of quilting, now. First, you must find a sheep. We recommend mapquest for hunting them down. You will need at least two for this, someone to hold down the sheep and someone to weld the scissors for sheering. You won't believe the fuss those sheep put up over handing over wool. They ought to be ashamed of themselves! Here's how we do it. One polar bear pounces on the sheep, while another snags the back hooves, then the cubs move in with the scissors. We also recommend wearing earplugs during this, to keep from hearing the complaints of the sheep, and their threats to contact lawyers and authorities. You will need at least a sheep's worth of wool for a good quilt, possibly more if you are a larger animal, or have made the mistake of making your home in a colder climate. Once you have your wool, stuff it between the two layers of fabric, and secure the layers together in whatever manner you wish. You can use a lot of little, fancy stitches, or thread and knots, whatever works best for you. Then, once you have the two layers secured, use a long, skinny piece of fabric to bind the outer edges and you're done! There, quiltmaking made simple and don't worry, the sheep haven't been able to find legal representation yet!