Package

We got a package today in the mail, and you should have heard the screams.  It was a rather large package, and apparently Brother is sure it was stuffed full of seed.  We tried to say it was just a book the human won in a contest, but we don't think he was convinced, and we fear he is plaining something evil for the mailman.  Do you think we should warn him to beware of kittens?

More Kitty Screams

We hope the postal service is insured. The human copied some genealogy material today, and has it in an envelope, all ready to mail off to a cousin. She is hopeful that this will lead the cousin to wanting to buy some of her genealogy books, the ones that gave brother nightmares. Brother shrieked, from his hiding place, with each click of the copy machine. And now we fear for the mailman, we really do. Who knows what brother might be plotting, to intercept this piece of mail. Do you think we ought to offer the mailman our protection?

The Mail

The mailman brought the human a big envelope stuffed with genealogy material today. Needless to say, we heard a ton of little kitty shrieks when the mailman came trotting around and dropped that off. We're thinking of waiting outside to have a chat with the mailman tomorrow. We're sure, after his delivery of such material, that Brother will try to punish him. Do you think if we alert him to the potential for kitten attacks that he might be able to capture our brother for us?

Bunny Party

The human went out to that store that was having a sale on books again, and you won't believe the horror she found. A book, showing how to have a party devoted to the rabbits' beloved bunny author! Really, why in the world did some place create such a work, much less put it out where my human could purchase it? Needless to say, the bunnies were thrilled when she gave it to them, though, and they have been reading ever since, and are undoubtedly planning to host the sort of celebration the book recommends. They'll probably pop invitations to all of their rabbit friends into the mail tomorrow. Really, doesn't the mailman have enough troubles this time of year, lagging around Christmas cards, without adding bunny mail to his burdens?

In the Mail

The mailman foolishly lagged a big envelope stuffed with genealogy materials to the human's mailbox today. Really, it will serve him right with the stuff he keeps bringing her if he then has to deliver piles of her genealogy books. And I think I might make him deliver some flyers advertising my participation in that PetSmart contest, too. Really, with the encouragement he keeps giving my human, it's only fair that he's punished in some way.

Suing the Post Office and Office Depot Too

I am going to be spending all of my time in court, is all that I can say, because Office Depot, the Post Office, and that pesky mailman who really ought to know better by now are being sued as soon as I can find a lawyer. You won't believe this, but Office Depot just sent the human a fat rebate card in the mail, a card that will be more than enough to cover the costs of getting holes punched in those nightmarish genealogy books, and in the books for church as well. My nap was rudely disturbed by her shouts of happiness upon opening the envelope and seeing the amount on her card. Office Depot should be ashamed, and I don't know what the post office was thinking! And now she's thinking of calling the church right away, to see about getting things set up to get those books made quickly. I am doomed!

The Mailman has No One to Blame

The mailman has no one to blame for his upcoming doom than himself. I want this known right now. When he ends up scratched into a million pieces, he has only himself to blame for his fate. This morning he foolishly delivered a package containing blackberry, raspberry and blueberry seeds to the bunnies. Needless to say, they're very happy, and are plotting the best place to plant their bramble patch right now. Really, what was the mailman thinking? He delivered eight packs of seed, each with at least twenty-five seed inside. that is two hundred seed. What will become of him if all of those sprout? Like I said, he will end up scratched to pieces, and when he does, he should know it is all his own fault.

Novel Horrors Day Eighteen

The neighbors are doomed, and is all my fault. I wonder if they will be able to file a lawsuit against me for this? The human is still wide awake, and busily typing. She's now claiming that the shock and trauma of my taking off like that have caused insomnia. Frankly, I blame the soda that bakery she had her accomplice gathering at sold her, but she isn't listening right now. Not that it really matters, because whatever is keeping her awake has led to her coming up with exactly how she wants to end this horrible novel. She has the last two chapters all plotted out in her head, along with a few of the twists she wants on her way to get there. It's just a matter of her getting the horrible thing typed out now. If she really does have insomnia, she could be finished by the weekend at the rate she's going, and have lots of time left in the month to get to work on one of her planned sequels. Maybe I could beg the mailman to take a letter to the neighbors since I don't dare set paw outside the door anymore.

Mailman

If the poor, misfortunate soul who happens to have our mail route is reading this, might I suggest looking into the benefits of retirement or perhaps a transfer to a nice, safe route in deepest, darkest Africa where all you'll have to worry about is delivering packages of veggies to one Mister Mokele Mbembe. I am very sorry to say that Amazon has taken to carrying large quantities of bear items at a very good price, so needless to say, my siblings have large amounts of shopping planned. I hope the postal service provides major medical insurance.

The Mailman

As if it isn't bad enough that the library is amusing itself supplying the rabbits and Betsy with sacks, now the mailman has taken to contributing to their sack stash too. He lagged a bright, shiny new green sack to the door today for them. Really, what IS he thinking? I ought to let a cucumber vine get him just for doing something so horrible. Those bunnies will use those sacks for gathering more vegetables than I want to think of and as for Betsy, well, isn't it illegal to supply her with the tools of her snitching trade?