Woodpecker

We just noticed something.  The new air conditioner, the one in the human's room that makes it the only habitable room in the house, it has only a thin, sliding mesh blocking access to the outside.  It's too high up for us to convert one side to a door for our bunny friends, but we've been thinking of inviting the woodpecker in.  His hole is nice, but don't you think he would like moving in here and being our new sibling so much more?  We have a nice wooden apple basket he could make into his new nest.

Tomorrow's Assault

The repairman didn't return today to fix the pool. I knew he was going to do that, I just knew it. Really, he ought to ashamed of himself. There is a wheelbarrow full of sand in our backyard now, just tempting black cats to hop the fence and turn into a giant litter box thanks to him and the bunnies are on the warpath. I have been ordered to the refrigerator to be issued a carrot and a stick of celery and the bunnies are negotiating with the woodpecker and some squirrels to take down a tree and crush the repairman's car. I do hope he's insured is all that I can say, but he so deserves what the bunnies have planned.

Tarring and Feathering

I have the tar, not that it will show up on Nick's fur, but at least it will make the feathers stick, that is, if I ever get my paws on some feathers. I thought about asking my woodpecker tenant for some feathers he wasn't planning to wear again, but it turns out he donates all of his used feathers to some sort of bird charity, for birds who are down on their luck, and who are forced to actually nest in trees instead of cozy holes like he has. And when I asked the bunnies about hopping to the store for a sack of craft feathers, they were too busy, consoling the human over her remembrance of the trauma of being bullied and telling her how they would love to live in the country,and that they're sure the move will be a good thing if it comes to that. It looks like I'm going to have to rob a pillow, but that horrible cat will be feathered yet for causing me this horrible luck!

Library Charges

While poking around and checking out those comics starring that bunny who lives with the mouse, my rabbit siblings happened upon some comics starring my woodpecker tenant's uncle. Naturally, they hopped out to his hole to alert him to this literature, and now he's wanting to fly in, to do a bit of reading. Do you suppose I can use the library usage to justify increasing his rent? Although, now that I think about it, his uncle does have connections, down in Florida, just down the road from the giant rodent's park. Maybe I can draft the woodpecker into my vacation plans too! Birds have a tendency to go sourh, after all, around this time of year, at least the ones who haven't planned in advance and rented a nice home from me. Even though he has a snug hole, perhaps the woodpecker would like to take a trip south for old time's sake, on a bus to save on his wings. I understand the park his uncle does business with caters to feline tourists. I can take an extra long vacation and see EVERYTHING!

Opening New Rentals

I just realized something yesterday. The humans have a whole attic that they really aren't using, except to store the Christmas decorations, and the flowers that they lag to the cemeteries every year while Betsy runs wild and torments the mountain bears. If I could install a hole up there, I could rent out the space to any number of birds in need of winter lodging. I'm sure that there are tons of them who are tired of that long commute south, after all, and who would love to nest in a nice attic for the winter. Does anyone have suggestions for how to advertise? I'm going to tell my woodpecker tenant to invite all of his friends.

Sue the Newspaper too!

I am going to sue the newspaper too, for endangering us all. That is the only thing to do. Despite the encouragement it offers to that giant tree, every time the do this, they insist on continuing to print obituaries, and just a few minutes ago, the human was pleased as anything to find an obituary for Cousin Betty Jean. It's going to add another page to that family book of hers for sure, and I can see the tree growing right in front of me. I wonder if I could recruit my woodpecker tenant to help me out, and to hop into the upper limbs to do a bit of pruning?

Woodpeckers

Is it legal to require tenants to list their specific species when they're filling out a rental application, or could they potentially try claiming some sort of discrimination? The grandhuman is a bit upset that my woodpecker tenant has invited a batch of his woodpecker friends to move in here and install holes right next to his. Of course, I'm thrilled to have more tenants, but the grandhuman is complaining terribly. So, I was thinking if I knew the woodpeckers' species, well, did you know there are some woodpeckers you absolutely can't evict no matter what?

The Woodpecker

I'm happy to say that my woodpecker tenant arrived home this afternoon from his summer vacation, and thank goodness he has given me the perfect excuse not to be drug to the countryside with those teddies. I can't possibly go off and leave my tenant to fend for himself right after arriving home, now can I? What if his hole needs some sort of repairs or other work done immediately? No, I must stay here and make sure the woodpecker is happy. There's absolutely nothing else I can do, and those teddies will just have to go to the country without me.

Claws

After that horrible clawacure I got in jail, I've been hard at work trying to restore my poor claws to their former shape. I've used the carpet extensively, but although I must admit it gives them a lovely buff and shine, it's doing NOTHING for their sharpness or pointyness. I'm thinking of asking my tenant, W. Woodpecker, if I can borrow his beak file to try to fix these claws. He always seems to have the sharpest, pointiest beak, and he claims he owes it all to daily filing. Has anyone else tried a file?

W. Woodpecker

Does anyone here see anything wrong with the hole that I'm renting to my tenant, W. Woodpecker? It's a snug, insulated hole with thick walls as you can see in the picture, and highly superior to any tree around. Another cat I chat with is claiming it's a terrible hole, though, and is accusing me of being a slum landlord. I want to add, Mr. W. Woodpecker is very happy with the hole, and along with his rental, he has a pool pass for the summer months, and hopefully a birdbath will be going in soon to upgrade things. There's a lovely bird buffet just next door and he has an easy commute from his hole to his work as a pest control specialist. So, what's wrong with the property I'm renting? I think my cat friend just doesn't want to see me doing well in business. Goodness knows what he would say about the property I rented to those turkeys if I posted about it!