The Phone

Does anyone have any advice on how to sabotage a phone, hopefully quick advice before the human can place a call to the minister tomorrow, to get permission to start producing books, and copying other stuff for book purposes. I will probably be put on the assembly line if she gets this going, and heaven help me if she needs things mailed. The taste of envelope glue will never get off of my tongue. I tried cutting the lines, but the scissors I found didn't work too well, and the polar bears refuse to loan me their good scissors. Any other ideas as to what else I can do? I'm planning to hide the cel phone while she's sleeping tonight.

Blocking Facebook

The human has done it this time. She has tracked down a batch of new cousins via Facebook! This can only encourage the growth of that horrible, horrible family tree, which is sure to be a disaster. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can block Facebook before the human uses it to track down more alarming numbers of relations? I'm sure finding them will lead to reunions, and selling of various family books, which will likely end up with me being put to work licking and stamping envelopes. Do you know how bad the glue on envelopes tastes?