Cat Sweaters

I just saw the most alarming thing, and I am sure it is connected to my stolen tummy fur. Someone is making SWEATERS out of cat fur! SWEATERS! And where are they getting the fur for these sweaters? I'm sure that it is all stolen from poor, innocent felines. There's probably a fur theft ring operating right now out of vet clinics everywhere! Who can I call to file a report about this?

SNOW

It's snowing! Oh, horrors, it is snowing! I will see the weatherman persecuted for this! The snow is flying fast and furious, and I am very concerned. The polar bears arranged to have my tummy fur stolen when it was just a bit nippy. I will be lucky to dodge being completely shaved with snow flying. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to protect myself from fur theft?

Dry Cleaning

Does anyone know the best place to get a fur suit dry cleaned? I'm sure my poor fur needs it. The human is still sad and depressed over her plans to sell those books falling apart like they did, and she spent the morning sobbing over it. Do you know the damage that tears can do to fur? I'm sure that the salt is sapping away all of the moisture from my fur, and making it dry and brittle.