Sheep and Nudity

Seeing as a bunch of sheep are due to become nudists soon, I suppose this is as good a time as any to bring up this topic. Has anyone ever taken a really close look at sheep without their wool? Really, that look worse naked than I ever imagined possible. And, as I understand it, the humans in charge of them, periodically collect this wool too, if they can get it before the polar bears do, to use for human purposes. I can only hope that they provide sweaters and coats for the sheep after this sheering, if for no other reason than to spare other creatures the horror that is the naked sheep!

Cotton

Do you know that there are things called cotton seeds you can grow to produce a cotton plant? Cotton looks kind of wooly, doesn't it? I'm wondering if I could sneak some of that into the garden to try to fool the polar bears. Surely if I told them wool could be grown as a plant, they would be content to farm and leave the sheep alone, right?

Dear Sheep

Sheep, I understand my polar bear sisters dropped in on you today, and may I say that I'm very sorry if any of you lost any wool. I think I better warn you now that they might be coming back tomorrow, and I spotted them a bit ago collecting sacks, possibly for the purpose of holding wool. You sheep best act now to protect yourselves, is all that I can say, and the only method I can see is for you to felt yourselves immediately. It's really simple. First get a tub of water. Warm is preferable, but if cold's all you have, it will have to do. Put in some detergent, or soap snitched from the restroom dispensers if necessary. Then hop in, and agitate yourselves for several minutes until you're all nicely felted. Hopefully that will be enough to save you.

Saving the Sheep

I think I've came up with a way to save those poor, innocent sheep and not a moment too soon, either, as we've had snow today. I checked the quilt books when the polar bears weren't looking, and there's something that can be done with wool called felting that I believe will render it useless for the polar bears' purposes. Now I just have to figure out how to convince all of the sheep to felt themselves at once. Do you think if I mail them the instructions on felting wool and a large box of detergent, that will be enough?